Dear Jodster,
Welcome to the board! I'm sorry to hear what a rough time you're having and I hope things turn around for you in time. Hang in there!
I can imagine it was very difficult to hear that criticism about your attempts to communicate with your husband through your friends. I imagine you felt very hurt by that, but also possibly felt regret later about having responded by canceling the party.
The important thing, I think, would be to remember that those feelings are okay, but that the fact that you feel so badly is probably a sign that your thinking is probably unrealistic (see ten forms of twisted thinking).
As far as BPD in general, this site, the tools on the left, and
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html are both great resources to get you started on your journey of recovery. I'm currently taking a DBT skills group and its pretty informative. As I said, hang in there.
As far as therapy, I would suggest you ask about DBT and mention that ideally you'd like to work with someone a bit more available in terms of time and accessibility. Your therapist should be able to give you a reference.
Take care,
-BeWild