BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I just found this site. I am a 55 year old woman with BPD traits, Attachment Disorder and who suffers from double depression. It's odd that I am introducing myself by way of a medical diagnosis, but it seems to be my new identity.

This year for the first time in my life I decided that maybe all my problems weren't caused by other people and that perhaps there is a reason inside of me. I am now fully aware of my issues and trying very hard to work through them in the hope of forming a positive relationship with myself and with others.

I feel completely alone and have turned to this site to connect with others who have experienced the same feelings: loneliness, emptiness, sadness and unbearable pain. I am tired of living on an emotional island and want to connect with others in a real way.

I am currently in group therapy and I'm finding it quite painful and tiring. Has anyone been in group before? If so what have your experiences been like? I'm at the point of wondering if there is any real benefit to me. I would welcome any responses.

Hi Crusoe and welcome!

I think that when I first understood my dx, I did become my dx for a while. I dove right in and learned everything I could. Everything revolved around being or fixing BPD. Once you get a handle of the tools that work for you, you start to become you. I think another part of it was that with BPD, one of the symptoms is instability of identity. I know it was one of mine. Having the dx gave me some sort of identity at the time.

And I can relate to the feelings you describe. I would guess quite a few of us could. I hope that we can help you find the way to dig yourself out of that horrible hole BPD can be.

Take care,
Trin

I am new here also and because of feeling very alone hope for some understanding and connection as well. I am in your age group and was diagnosed with major depression and BPD just this year.

I have fought with the symptoms of this all of my life and I was actually relieved to realize that it is a disease and that I was not acting the way I did or do, to purposely hurt people. That took a lot of guilt away and has freed me to try to find a cure.

I practice the skills I am learning each day as much as I can and hope for positive change. Sometimes I see results.
I also have been identifying myself with my disease and am relieved that in time that will change and I can just be me.
Welcome and I salute your bravery of posting here and I hope that you will not feel so alone. You are not alone.