BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi there. I stumbled upon this page somehoworother and thought it might be good in my 'recovery'. I'm 30 now and was first diagnosed with severe depression when I was 16, and spent the whole time since then trying different medications, therapy etc to get rid of the depression, to no avail. After a couple of suicide attempts they diagnosed me as BPD (about 5 months ago) and so now I'm researching it and looking for a way to recover from it if possible. My whole way of thinking apparently is incorrect and so is all I know about the world. So somehow I need to change this way of thinking in order to have a life worth living.

I don't have hugely high expectations of recovering, due to all the failures in the past. However I am open to anything and thought I'd give this site a go. I'm not going to lie, I have a bad track record with dbt concepts and anything to do with emotions (because of my long term anhedonia) but I will give it a go. Don't knock it till you've tried it, as they say! Hopefully I will possibly find some reason to wake up each morning, and possibly even a reason to still be alive in this world. Here's hoping!

Hi, KazzaX -- glad you found us.

I too struggled with depression since my teens before being told of BPD when I was hospitalized -- at age 50! -- and though I still think depression in my main problem, there was a lot about BPD that made sense to me. And you have it exactly right: We learn dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behavior in childhood, and now they have to be unlearned and replaced with more positive and effective new patterns. Though I can't pretend any of it is easy, it is doable, and worth it in the end.

Though it can be hard to motivate yourself when basically nothing gives you pleasure, I hope you'll try anyway. Eight years ago I felt like there was absolutely nothing in my life that would give me any sense of enjoyment or even basic connection with other human beings -- even my children -- but I've made a lot of progress. Nothing's perfect, and I'm still a work in progress after all this time, but I can say I'm no longer obsessed with suicidal thinking, my relationship with my kids has improved, and I can now appreciate simple things like music, a good book, and a beautiful sunset.

Poke around our site here, check out our tools in the box on the left, and if you have any questions, ask away.

Welcome to BPDR! I hope you can let go of the pessimistic attitude a bit more and really give things a try. The anhedonia may well make things more challenging for you - who knows - but recovery really and truly IS possible.

Sari: you were hospitalized at age 50? Wow.

Thanks for sharing that. Makes me grateful that bpd is detected now, in my late 20s.

So there is hope?