BPDRecovery.com: Forums

My scren name describes my feelings-

I have 'fleas" of BPD from my NPD?BPD parents and their family tree. I am adopted- so no genetic link. I have worked very hard to overcome the fleas but chose a partner with BPD and the relationship ended. Back to the drawing board on the self esteem issues :-)

Thanks for having me

Surreal

Surreal,

Welcome to BPDR!

I'm guessing from the terminology you've used that you found us through "Out of the Fog" (what used to be The Nook.)

I get what you're trying to say when you use the word "fleas" -- that you've picked up some bad habits from long-term exposure (role modeling) from folks who weren't the epitome of healthy, happy living. That said, those habits aren't something that were inflicted upon you; the situation you were in was inflicted upon you and as a child, you had no choice in any of that. Now, as an adult, you have choices and full autonomy over the decisions you make. When you engage in not-so-healthy behaviour, it is a choice to do so. And I suspect that your presence here means that you're looking for a supportive recovery-oriented environment where you can learn about tools to help you make healthier choices and practice working with those tools so that you can ultimately say "I'm flea-free!"

Hey Ash!

I read the banner about your grant being approved in the first stage. I am really happy for you guys- I hope you get the grant- you do good things here.

Thanks for welcoming me.

Nope, I'm not really an out of the fog girl - but I know who they are just by a glance at the home page. I remember the nook. That was one interesting place...kind of like the wild wild west. I had no idea the nook turned into out of the fog. I am much more of an FTF girl.

I am looking for a recovery oriented environment for my flea stuff and you guys haz it!

I am not sure fleas are only behavioral issues. I think they may include some thinking issues, particularly self esteem issues..at least they do for me. My behavioral stuff is basically low level co dependency at this point. I've been through enough therapy to tone it down a LOT , but it's still a thing with me.

I do pretty well over all. My thing is "picking my mother" in relationships and then of course having my self esteem bashed by another bad relationship with a disordered person who I wind up enabling and I REALLY REALLY want to STOP THAT.

I also would like some support in coming to terms with the fact that my family is not available and how that has shaped my self concept.

I have some habits I need to break and I am feeling pretty darn sad, depressed and anxiety ridden.

I need some courage to stop going back to the familiar and to feel more ok about starting out again (after a LTR failed). So I am going to post more about that. I need some help and some insight into what might be more helpful to me right now and I am habing some trouble untangling it all.

It's past my good thinking time righ now, but I definately need to do a detailed post with some thoughts, questions and descriptions ...

i particularly need to explore some feelings about going back to an abusive relationship.

Surreal

Yep, you're definitely in the right place! LOL

And please try to vote for us every day, in as many ways as possible. We've got an uphill battle but there are 2,500 registered users here and I've gotten another 300 people "in the real world" working on it so it's entirely possible to get to the Top Ten by the end of the month - NEVER give up!

That said, I don't recognize the FTF acronym. We used to have a forum named "Fanning The Flames" (which since became Conversation Corner) but that's the only thing coming to mind when I see FTF.

Do you have any positive role models in your life? At work/school? Other family members? Friends?

FTF "facing the facts" - skip is a member here at BPD recovery too isn't he?

I can help vote? OK, I will look around the site to figure out how. Glad to give support.

Positive role models IRL? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nope. Pretty much everyone I know IRL is on the spectrum of NPD/BPD and totally untreated. So I know a lot of VERY successful people in the worldly sense, who hide behind the money and the trappings while abusing the stuffing out of thier loved ones.

But succesful in what matters to me? Not so many.

i have in the last 5 months actually gone to a new state with the abusive undiagnosed pwbpd and met a great group of people who are definately more in the direction of what I want in my life. thing is...the relationship has been recycled many times and i am done (there was covert physical abuse going on lately). My boundary was DBT or I am out. He never went (he had 3 years to go) and then when we were down here and i was without family or friends, the abuse really started to escalate as did the push pull on his part. I rode the middle for as long as i could, but this last time, i left my condo (we didn't live together) and I blocked him from my number.

So, I am definately looking at this as part of the "scray to move forward out of the familiar" thing...do i stay here in an unknown place and start over or do I go back to a place which is familiar, but where I have just as little, is more expensive and i can't deal with the cultural values...?

hmmm

again, must do a better more detailed post...