BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi there! I was diagnosed with BPD about 6 years ago and went through a little therapy and medication and really didnt feel any different. So, I went off of my meds and stopped therapy. I thought I could do this alone.
I am generally ok until a new romantic relationship starts. Which is why I am here today. I really cant take this anymore. As I sit here typing I can feel every muscle in my body tense up. I was eating this morning and was gripping the bowl so tightly my hand started to hurt. I am chewing my lip to the point of drawing blood. Here is the really nutty part, I just met this guy a little over a week ago. We have hung out 3 times in that time frame, but now every time he doesnt text me or like something on my FB, I freak out. I am positive he is gonna never speak to me again. I ready to lash out at him and this poor guy has no clue. I told him I have BPD and PTSD, but I dont think he understands the damage I am capable of. I actually tried to break it off from him on our second date, because I liked him too much. LOL he told me he liked me a lot too. I was trying to warn him. I dont know what to do. I am really digging this guy, but I can see what I am about to do and lord knows he probably doesnt deserve it. Do you think I should try and explain this to him on a deeper level?
I am seriously a hot mess right now. I dont know whether to cry, scream or rake someones eyes out.

Hi Lisa,
I'm new here too and about to start my second round of therapy/treatment (went back on meds this week) after 2 years of recovery. I'm also in NC and depending on what part your in I have found a very useful resource for treatment if you are interested. I'm a little east of Charlotte. I used to be the same way with relationships, hell sometimes I feel/think the only reason my current relationship has lasted so long is because we have a child together. Maybe instead of pushing away someone you're interested in, try explaining your disorder to him in detail, possibly give him some links to resources. But also try yourself to not make the same mistakes you've made in prior relationships. I know it is MUCH easier said than done, but it is possible to change these habits. Maybe you were on the wrong meds or not with a very good therapist last time, there are so many options and resources to treat our disorder. Let me know if you are near the Charlotte area and I will PM you some of the info for treatment in this area.

I am in the Charlotte area. I live up near Lake Norman. Do you know of any group settings? I always found with my therapist that I had no clue what I was supposed to talk about and she was never any help.

Hi Lisa,

Welcome.

I think you are aware enough to know you are not ready to be in a stable relationship. I really admire your awareness. The question is if you are going to act responsibly, in everyone's best interest, or if you are going to make a choice to go full speed ahead, in hot pursuit, of something you know at this time will only wind up in pain for you and for someone else?

I think "trying to warn" someone about our illness is not something that works well. I think you have a few choices, and only you can make them. You can try to go more slowly, knowing you are off meds and not treated, you can break it off with this man and let him go with love, you can give him a lot of information on BPD (like give him the link to www.bpdfamily.com) and get yourself into treatment and make the decision together.... you can ______

From the outside, just by what you are saying, maybe you might want to check out a DBT day program sometimes called a PHP(partial hospitalization) (or maybe residential?) like at Mclean hosp or Silver hill? I don't know what's available in your state, but I am sure you can find something- www.behavioraltech.com marsha linehan's site has info on where to find resources...

would you like to start serious recovery and maybe have a chance with this man? Or is this really n ot about this man considering you have only known him a week?

what would you like to do to change the way things are for you because of BPD?

Lisa,
I sent you the info in a PM. Hope it helps!

Hi Lisa, I think Surreal has given you some good ideas to think about. Think about getting some professional help. Things will get better if you take care of you first. Good luck.