BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hello,

I am a mother of a teenage daughter that has been diagnosed with cluster B traits, but that's only because of her age. Her psychologist told me that the only thing stopping her from getting a formal BPD diagnosis is that she is too young.

My daughter is so unstable right now that she is living in a treatment center. Even in there, under constant supervision, she still manages to cut & was caught trying to hang herself. She won't work the program & has recently even gotten violent with the staff. She seems to love me one minute & then hate me the next, blaming me for putting her in the treatment program & blaming me again for her problems because I won't sign her out AMA. She really seems to hate me right now.

I am trying to learn more about BPD so that I can help my daughter. Right now, I can't make sense of anything that she is saying or doing.

Thanks for reading

Hi. I am a non BPD as well and just started posting on this site though I've been reading for awhile. There are some good books out there for non-BPDs as well as books about BPDs in general that you might want to check out. You can PM me if you want the title of the one for non-BPDs.

Hang in there!

The thing that I wish people understood is that while yes, it is hard to be around me when I'm lashing out, it's also incredibly painful to be going through the kind of turmoil that produces those actions. I'm new to this website, but there are lots of resources for the family members of those with BPD. I recently read a book that advised the SET UP technique--support, empathy, and truth, in equal doses, plus understanding and perseverance on your part. You might want to ask her doctors how best to approach incorporating that technique.

Thanks for your responses!

Nomorehalo, I've been reading a ton since I found out about this last year. The Buddah and the Borderline was an awesome book that gave me a lot of insight, but am always looking for more reading material.

The SET UP technique is something that I am trying to do on my own because I don't know what else to do. The doctors aren't really helping that much. Nobody wants to talk about it. They seem to want to treat the depression, treat the anxiety, but don't want to discuss the big picture.

My daughter is a big part of the problem though. Although I am so desperate to help her, she won't let me. She is lying to the docs so much that they are trying to "help" with the wrong things. Examples can range anywhere from lying about allergies to foods that she doesn't have all the way to claiming to have symptoms of severe OCD. I don't know what do do for her anymore, or if I can do anything at all.

AmaNicole, I am very certain that this is a very painful thing to go through and my heart really goes out to anyone in this situation. Since I'm not getting help from my daughter's docs, my only hope is to keep reading and participating here. I think I can help her more if I understand her struggles a little better. I am also interested in offering support to other members here.

psyclone,
Welcome onboard
It's touching to hear from you, it must be tough for you too, to be supporting your daughter.
If you want to understand better how it's like to be struggling with bpd, you could just hang around here and read some of the threads of how us folks with bpd feel and what we struggle with

once again, welcome

Hang in there. I can relate to your situation. I developed BPD in high school. At that time no one knew anything about it. I self harmed & was suicidal. My parents took me to a therapist. I couldn't relate to her at all. I just told them to let me switch schools & they did & everything looked fine. I quit harming myself. I focused on academics. I ignored my illness. It doesn't go away if you ignore it. Due to the recession and a health scare my BPD resurfaced recently. I tried to kill myself and was hospitalized for the first time. I can empathize with your daughter cuz I felt like a caged animal and I had absolutely no trust in the facility I was in. I felt open hostility from the staff & I don't know how much was real or imagined due to my depression and illness. I finally hooked up with a therapist I click with and trust. I am finding Dialectical Behavioural Therapy helpful in my situation.
My suggestion to you is to look into other programs & offer your daughter an open choice in what she can participate in. Ask her to read about her illness & see if there is a treatment she feels she will benefit from. I realize this might not be able to happen unfortunately due to her current irrational state but I can tell you if I would of been presented with a therapist like I have now when I was 16, I would of undergone treatment. It is all about trust and because BPD is so explosive, there aren't many therapists who can handle it without getting overwhelmed themselves.

Psyclone,

If you're still wandering around the halls of BPDR, I'd like to share some thoughts with you regarding boundaries and consequences that I think may help considerably. The wild swings from "I love you" to "I hate you" are definitely something to which I can relate and I know what helped me the most - like a miracle drug, really - was the boundaries/consequences reinforcement. It got through where words alone never could. Just let me know if you're at all interested ...