BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I'm so glad I found this website. It's amazing! I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I'm pretty sure it's what I've suffered with for what feels like most of my life. I'm in the process of of getting a diagnosis and it's taking SO LONG and I feel a lot of the time like the professionals aren't really listening to me or think I'm making things up. They don't seem to understand how terrible and desperate I feel inside. Since the age of 13 I've always had a vice, smoking weed, drinking, self-harming or something but I have given all of that up. The problem is that now I have no idea what to do when I get into a frenzied panic that I'm all alone or that e.g. my boyfriend's stopped loving me because he hasn't called or only spoke to me for two minutes on the phone. I feel like self-harming and the other day I 'accidentally' burned myself on the oven. I can't speak about feeling so low with my boyfriend because I cheated on him two months ago as a result of one of my alcohol and drug binges (I thought he didn't love me any more and our relationship was over, I think the alcohol and drugs made this irrational, non-founded belief ten billion times worse which is why I've given it all up) and he's still in pain about that. When I'm sad and low he feels like I treat him like crap but I'm just hurting so much inside for what I've done to him, I feel like I've ruined everything, beyond repair and just want to die. I really don't know how to stop the hurting without any of the things I'm used to turning to and I'm finding it hard to stay strong - everything I do feels like a distraction and without professional help I'm suffocating. Your Tools are extremely helpful though and make me feel less like a freak of nature or 'destined to be alone'. Does anyone have any advice about how to stop being so agitated at everything my boyfriend does? I know I love him dearly but I feel like all I do is lash out at him needlessly, he's like a punch bag and I don't want to hurt him any more. I feel like it's because he's mentally interrupting what I call my distractions (reading, sewing, drawing etc) when all he's doing in reality is living his life like a normal person. I desperately want us to be happy but my pain overrides everything, including being empathic and supportive towards him when he's in pain about my indiscretion. Sorry that this is such a rambling mess, I've been longing to speak to someone about all of this since I recognised the signs of me having BPD.

So you've looked at the tools... it takes a lot of practice, but try to use them. When you start to feel agitated about something your boyfriend (or anybody else, including you) has done or failed to do, HALT (first of the Five Steps). Make sure you're not hungry or tired or dealing with a work issue or a totally different interpersonal issue or you're feeling sick or your dog is sick or whatever, and if ANY of them is true, that's the priority. Look at the Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking and look for what you might be doing -- he "always" forgets to call me when he's late (when it's really once or twice out of a dozen) or "I'm such a loser, I'll never have a good relationship" and so forth, and really ask yourself if that's true. Sort out whether twisted thinking is behind your reaction, then try to figure out 3 ways to deal with your problem (i.e. "he always forgets to call me" or "he'll only talk to me for two minutes" or "his job takes too much of his time" or whatever it is). Your default reaction is to get really upset -- are there other, perhaps less inflammatory, responses you might have, or be able at least to work on? If you go off on him as soon as you start feeling upset, then try some distractions -- go take a walk, take a shower, put on some music and dance in the living room, go to the break room at work and have some coffee or a snack or whatever, as long as you have some time to think about what you're going to say before you lash out and blast. It sounds easy but is pretty hard to put into practice, but if you're willing to work on this, and your bf is willing to stand by you and help you, the odds are you can make a lot of progress and feel better about yourself.

Thank you so much! Just having someone reply and listen to me, taking me seriously helps in so many ways. Thank you. I will do as you have suggested and I've also started some of the exercises. I'm feeling so hopeful since finding this site.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!