BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi...
I have been struggling with this disorder for years now not knowing what it was. About a week ago a new theripist told me this is what I have. I dont know if knowing it is worse. I am having a really hard time knowing I have this but at the same time I know it is. I am at rock bottom and I have no idea how to get started on my way up. I recently separate from my boyfriend and I have an unhealthy attachment I know I need to stop texting and calling but I hate rejection. Help.

hi
welcome here
If i may ask, why did you and your boyfriend separate? Was it your bpd?

Are you still contacting your bf? Does he respond to you?

It's not easy living with borderline... It's not... but it's possible...

We separated because he cheated on me and the girl said she was pregnant.... he said that he cheated on me because I cheated on him over a year ago. I know what I did was wrong but he made the choice to stay with me and I do have a problem with staying faithful. I also think it had a lot to do with me BPD.... my emotions are everywhere... I hate it. I was still trying to contact him but I have been trying very had not to. I feel weak when i do but the other night he called me insane and I told him well at least I am dealing with my problem. Its very hard for me to stop texting or calling him. But I know he is completly annoyed with me. I truly do not want to get back together but its hard when I am all alone. I am having a really hard time with it all.

In other words you're having a hard time being alone right?

I think it's a common experience for bpd...

Well, each time you feel like contacting him, pause and tell yourself "I can wait another hour",and the minutes will turn into hours and into days.

Just sit with your intense emotions and let them come to pass and tell yourself you can wait before contacting him...

I am having a very hard time being alone. Thank you I will give that a shot not time. I have not been alone for over 11 years. I have always had a boyfriend or someone there. One of my struggling is to not get into another serious relationship right now. I know I need to stay focused on me for now but when I feel alone my mind starts looking. Do you have any suggestions?

Hi alone,

I know where you're coming from. I once took a dating hiatus for some years because I wanted to work on myself and I wanted to learn to BE by myself.

It's not very easy to go from always having a boyfriend to being forced to be alone with your own thoughts, but that's the point. No one deflecting from you dealing with your own problems.

I had a lot of moments of intense panic; I felt like a druggie in need of a fix. When I would get in these moods I'd call or text everyone and their father, looking for shreds of male attention. It was pretty intense. Finally I told myself "Well, you're sort of defeating the purpose here."

I cannot stress how important mindfulness is, like mere says. Observing without judgement, not running away with your feelings but saying "Hey, you there. Shame. How's it going?" or "Intense anger, long time. How've you been?" It's a matter of not getting caught up with your feelings but simply noting that they exist.

I would make myself 2 things - A list of positive affirmations(things like "I am strong. I can stick this moment out without acting impulsively), throw them all over your house, pull out a notebook of them when I'm struggling, etc. I also made a self-soothing list. A list of things I can do to make myself feel better when I am feeling very emotional and impulsive. They can be very simple, like eating a favorite piece of chocolate, or maybe painting, or playing a game of solitaire, whatever you enjoy. And do as many as you need to. It's not meant to fix but meant to help you get over the humps. Feelings always pass. You don't feel the way you did 6 months from now as you do today, nor will you feel the same in 6 months.

Are you seeing a pdoc as well and are you on any medications?

You may feel alone but you are not alone in the world. Coming here to get support is a good thing. It's a process learning how to self soothe. Deep breathing helps me a lot. Getting out of my head and into my feelings is uncomfortable but necessary. I have found that being here now is good. I am learning not to think that I know what the future holds because I don't. Accepting uncertainty and believing in a loving higher power has provided me with a lot of relief.

I agree with raeni.

the self-soothing list is a good idea. Distract yourself with other activities when you can't stand being alone. Have a list of things that you can do when you can't stand being alone...

I just wanted to say thank you for your advice it is helping a lot. I had a pretty decent day today hopefully tomorrow is better. Also I have been on depression meds for almost three years and xanex just as long. It helps a little but still pretty hard to deal with being alone.

hey hey


you'll find that after while, being alone is not that untolerable after all... it will get easier and easier to be alone...