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 Post subject: Me
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:01 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:52 am
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40 year old male, ruined every relationship I have had, just lost the one woman I have every actually loved due to my inability to deal with my BPD, she took our 4 year old son with her. I miss him and her more then anything in the world.

I doubt she will ever take me back but I need to work on this to be a good father for my son, I hate that I now have to do that as a part time dad...

I'll be relocating to Culver City, CA so I can be closer to him and get to see him more often currently I am in Arkansas until the middle of July. She is in Seal Beach with my son staying with her mother. Barely speaks to me won't even send me pictures of my son haven't seen him in 4 months now.


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 Post subject: Re: Me
PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 10:17 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:55 pm
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Location: Canada
I am sorry I overlooked your post earlier, your situation is much the same as mine. I don't know what the situation for you legally is, but I know where I'm from my wife actually isn't allowed to move out of the province I'm living in unless I give consent. With our situation I am allowed by law to see my son. First thing I would do is speak with a lawyer in terms of understanding your legal rights to your son, nobody other than the courts can prevent you from seeing him.

Your ex is a completely different story. If she doesn't want to be around you she doesn't have to be. I was lucky in that mine wants us to be on good terms for the sake of raising our son, but every situation is different. If you haven't done so already you should do some reading on boundaries. Your ex has boundaries that you must respect, if she doesn't want to speak to you, or see you, that's her right, you can't control it. You can only control yourself.

What are your plans for recovery? Are you seeing a therapist? Have you been officially diagnosed? Are you on any meds? How long have you known you had BPD?

From what you have said, you want to be a good father. Is that motivation enough for you to get the help you require? Having children when you have BPD increases their odds of having BPD by 6 times. The stats go from 2% to 15%. By getting the help you need you can help reduce this number and be a better father for your son.

I don't know your situation, I don't presume to. One thing my wife had said to me was that she was worried to have her son with me. Now that I'm getting treatment she doesn't have that worry anymore. I'm not saying it will happen in your situation, but it may help you.

I read what you posted in my welcome wagon thread... it makes me happy to think that someone could benefit from my words and my experiences. I have a few more threads I'm working on with this board, I'll post links at the bottom. They are basically tracking my progress and helping me keep motivated to the road of recovery. It's something you could try as well, take whatever approach you see as best.

The Kuro Journal - viewtopic.php?f=18&t=12691

Kuro's Homework - viewtopic.php?f=7&t=12696

Here is the link to all of the homework that ash has put on the website (that's what I'm doing in the homework thread) - viewtopic.php?f=7&t=12334

Also be sure to check out the tools section on the left hand side of the board. Finally I'll give you a website that I haven't really looked at yet, I found it a bit overwhelming at first and haven't gone back... but it's dbtselfhelp.com.

There are a number of resources out there to help you, we are here for you.


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 Post subject: Re: Me
PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 11:37 am 
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KuroShinsei wrote:
What are your plans for recovery? Are you seeing a therapist? Have you been officially diagnosed? Are you on any meds? How long have you known you had BPD?

From what you have said, you want to be a good father. Is that motivation enough for you to get the help you require? Having children when you have BPD increases their odds of having BPD by 6 times. The stats go from 2% to 15%. By getting the help you need you can help reduce this number and be a better father for your son.

I don't know your situation, I don't presume to. One thing my wife had said to me was that she was worried to have her son with me. Now that I'm getting treatment she doesn't have that worry anymore. I'm not saying it will happen in your situation, but it may help you.

I read what you posted in my welcome wagon thread... it makes me happy to think that someone could benefit from my words and my experiences. I have a few more threads I'm working on with this board, I'll post links at the bottom. They are basically tracking my progress and helping me keep motivated to the road of recovery. It's something you could try as well, take whatever approach you see as best.

The Kuro Journal - viewtopic.php?f=18&t=12691

Kuro's Homework - viewtopic.php?f=7&t=12696

Here is the link to all of the homework that ash has put on the website (that's what I'm doing in the homework thread) - viewtopic.php?f=7&t=12334

Also be sure to check out the tools section on the left hand side of the board. Finally I'll give you a website that I haven't really looked at yet, I found it a bit overwhelming at first and haven't gone back... but it's dbtselfhelp.com.

There are a number of resources out there to help you, we are here for you.


Currently I am seeing a therapist and going a a group once per week. In the grand scheme of things my Therapist told me she felt that I have BPD, I haven't I guess been officially diagnosed. however, after much reading and research I feel I have enough of the symptoms to completely agree with her assessment. I am not on any meds, I have only known for about a week.

Everything I am doing right now I am doing for my son and myself. My ex has removed herself from the picture and like you said I can't control that so no point in wasting energy trying.

I'm just building things up one brick at a time. I have really bad days I have good days. Lately since I started reading this site and studying about BPD I have far more good days then bad. So I can see that there can be change for the better.


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 Post subject: Re: Me
PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 11:53 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:55 pm
Posts: 170
Location: Canada
Great!... sounds very similar to me. Once I found out what was wrong it made things a lot easier to accept and try to overcome. I found out about 2 weeks ago and have been going strong, I'm much happier since finding out, and I hope it stays like this for the both of us. If your therapist is not assigning you homework I suggest you find some to do. It really helps to maintain your motivation, as during the bad days it's very easy to get into a depressive cycle, and those can be very difficult to get out of.

It's good to hear you're getting help, and that your son motivates you so much. Get better, and we're here to help.


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