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 Post subject: New to the board but not to BPD
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:27 pm 
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It's so hard even to know where to begin...i just spent awhile crying, reading a support group full of people who have to DEAL with us. It was really hard...I was reading a board about deciding whether or not to leave a loved one with BPD and everyone seemed so happy that they'd "rid" themselves of their inconvenience. I think that's the hardest part for me, I'm sorry, I did not ask to be this way and I hate it so much, having BPD hurts SO BADLY and we didn't choose this.

There's my little vent. Now to introduce myself. I am 27 years old, I've been married for 8 years and I have 3 children who are 7, 4 and 16 months. I was first diagnosed during a psych ward stay (i've had 5 since I was 16) when I was 23 years old. I've had 2 hospital stays since then (cutting, suicidal thoughts and pill overdoses) and was diagnosed BPD both times as well. All I want is to get better, I want to be happy. I could go on forever but since this is in into board I'll leave it at that.


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 Post subject: Re: New to the board but not to BPD
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 8:30 pm 
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Dear Anyanka

Welcome onboard :)

Well as for me, my mentor left me. Asked me not to contact her at all for one whole year. And she said it will be reviewed next year. What's going to happen - is she ever going to speak to me again? I don't know and I don't want to think about it. I prefer not to think about it.

In the meantime, let's focus on recovery, shall we?

You're right. We did NOt choose to have bpd. and it's horrible having bpd.


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 Post subject: Re: New to the board but not to BPD
PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 11:34 am 
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[quote="Anyanka"]It's so hard even to know where to begin...i just spent awhile crying, reading a support group full of people who have to DEAL with us. It was really hard...I was reading a board about deciding whether or not to leave a loved one with BPD and everyone seemed so happy that they'd "rid" themselves of their inconvenience. I think that's the hardest part for me, I'm sorry, I did not ask to be this way and I hate it so much, having BPD hurts SO BADLY and we didn't choose this.

[/quote]

Craziness. I had a little revelation last night which prompted me to do some research where I could find resources to help with interpersonal relationships and I read something very similar and cried as well. Which then spawned me to find a forum where I could talk openly and unabashedly about the things I've been going through and not be "that girl" in the article because frankly, it scared the shite out of me and I'm not willing to lose anything else to these horrible little letters, bpd.

So, yeah. I think this place is just the ticket. =)


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 Post subject: Re: New to the board but not to BPD
PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 1:58 pm 
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Anyanka,

Welcome to BPDR!

I've been to those sorts of sites. When I was first diagnosed, I was outraged by what I read. Then I started realizing something ... those people are emotionally damaged & hurting too. They may not have a diagnosis or a formal disorder to deal with but their pain is real and they don't necessarily have the requisite coping skills to handle their own emotions properly. They're very much in the throes of the dreaded borderline black-and-white thinking. Anyone with BPD is all completely horrible, the scourge of the earth, and the only valid coping strategy they could possibly fathom in the midst of that self-delusion is to run far, far away. They're not strong enough to deal with reality as it really is so they create a world in which every ill of the earth is the fault of someone with BPD.

Granted, not EVERYONE at those sorts of sites are so all-or-nothing, black-or-white. Just the majority.

And for every one of those types of sites, there are probably six more sites dedicated to people with BPD where BPD behaviour is fostered, supported & encouraged. There's a distinct lack of focus on recovery and those sites simply devolve into BPD-fests with a bunch of equally ill-equipped people lashing out at the world around them, blaming the loved ones who couldn't cope, who dealt some slight or another.

Finding the jewels among the detritius is sometimes hard to do. Suffice it to say, I think that BPDR is one of the most unique places on the internet in that regard. ALL people are welcome here. One needn't have a diagnosis to be here. The only requirement is that there be a recovery focus. And we're quite forgiving. Someone new to the board needn't be perfect (completely recovery-focused all the time right out of the gate) - we give 2nd and 222nd chances more often than not. As long as there's a dedication to healthy, happy living, controlling what's within one's own control and taking responsibility for one's own decisions and actions is all we ask - diagnosis of BPD or self-proclaimed "NON".

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 Post subject: Re: New to the board but not to BPD
PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:08 pm 
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Welcome, Anyanka.
I think I understand how you feel. I agree with blazing_daisy, this is a good place.

Hope to read you on the boards.

Peaces,
Stranjer


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 Post subject: Re: New to the board but not to BPD
PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 11:39 am 
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anyanka,

I've also been to those sites, and actually I got a lot of good info concerning the kinds of emotional destruction that can be caused by people with bpd. It did give me some insight about what my parents went through with me; multiple hospitalizations, suicide attemtps, SI, oh well it goes on and on, ha,ha. I believe my father probably had bpd, but had been very high-functioning during his lifetime. So, I figured I was also a "non"....sort of a "dual identity. I was fairly far along in the recovery process at that time when I visited these sites, so perhaps I was better able to "hear" what they were saying than if I was just beginning. One thing that did bother me, though, was the idea that nons could get "fleas" from the one with bpd....that just being around the disorder could some how "infect" them. To me, that is simply gooofy. IMHO, SOMETIMES people who become involved with people with bpd perhaps have some bpd characteristics of their own or maybe a "savior" complex.

When I posted at these sites (actually just one, I think), I always got replies talking about how they they found it hard to believe that I had bpd. I think they were rather amazed that some one with bpd COULD recover at all and sound rational. I got to know some of the people fairly well, and found them to be supportive and understanding. I like to think that Maybe I gave them some hope that all was not lost in their relationships.

Dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: New to the board but not to BPD
PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 9:40 am 
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dagwood wrote:
anyanka,

I've also been to those sites, and actually I got a lot of good info concerning the kinds of emotional destruction that can be caused by people with bpd. It did give me some insight about what my parents went through with me; multiple hospitalizations, suicide attemtps, SI, oh well it goes on and on, ha,ha.
Dagwood



There is definitely good to be had from those sites, unchecked that is what can happen and I know I can relate to the author about what they're saying when I *objectively* look back on my past behavior which now serves as a motivation to me to never be that person again. Though I'm not saying it wasn't devastating to think that there are probably several people in my past who would picture my face when reading that, ultimately it now serves a purpose of reminding me what I can, but now have no desire to be.


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