Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Sun Aug 25, 2019 2:07 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: HI Im new
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:33 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:49 am
Posts: 3
Iv been struggling with depression since 1996,(when my mom died) self harming, continual suicidal attempts, i was first put on meds in 1997, for depression, was hospitalized in 2000 and again last year February (a year ago wow),the last time i was hospitalized in a psych ward they discovered that im bipolar II and borderline personality.It was actually a relief as i was then put on the right meds for bipolar, but also still for depression. Iv been in therapy for most of the time, but i havent been i therapy for the last 9 months which has been the longest since 1996

Im not going to go into details of my life, as there is to many things, i however have been abused and been in numerous bad relationships.I still get my ups and downs, (lately a bit more downs) but im eager to work on myself and i think this site is the right place to start


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: HI Im new
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:48 pm 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm
Posts: 819
Location: sarasota
Welcome Angelbaby29,

Glad you are here! Is there any particular reason why you aren't in therapy now that you want to share? Are your meds helping? I can understand your difficulties with the death of your mother; I was an only child, and losing my parents was very difficult....took a long time to work through.

I know that coming to this site has helped me tremenously....just knowing I'm not alone is a big thing for me....it's tricky talking about things bpd with "outsiders", so to speak, ha,ha, who do not really understand.

dagwood


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: HI Im new
PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:32 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:49 am
Posts: 3
Hi dagwood

Thanks for the reply, since coming out of Psychiatric Hospital last year May, iv only been in therapy once.My therapist left and i was suppose to go back but i never did. I kept on feeling better and better.Im on the right meds now (atlast) and they are working wonderful.But iv been without a job the last 6 months due to retrenchment, and now since January iv been feeling like im slipping in depression a bit more. Im fine for about 4 out of 7 days. I try keeping busy,but it still creeps up on me.where i feel like not doing anything just sleeping, am restless and cry easily.

My mom has been gone for so long, but still i miss her so much.iv worked thru a lot of issues during the past 15 years, but still they seem to get to me sometimes.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: HI Im new
PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 8:29 am 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm
Posts: 819
Location: sarasota
angelbaby,

It's understandable why you'd feel depressed with not finding another job. Are you able to stay afloat financially? I also think that sometimes people identity themselves a lot with what they do....don't really see themselves as individuals with personalities.

When my mother died in 1994, I was going through so much myself, but I also had my father who was elderly, and I had to take care of him. He pretty much curled up into a ball....figuratively speaking, but the result was the same. I think if he hadn't had me to worry about, ha,ha, he'd have just given up.
I think the death of a loved one, but especially a parent triggers something really deep inside us. Nuts, i'm starting to cry just writing this, but I still cry a lot anyway when I think about my parents. I was an only child, so didn't have anybody else to talk with about things, I mean things about their health, etc. I did go to a hospice bereavement group after both parents' deaths. I had had hospice for my father before he died, which was a very good thing. This might be something that could help you, even now after a long time. I remember there were people there who didn't get help till they almost became dysfunctional, but I could see a big difference in their outlook as time went on.

dagwood


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: HI Im new
PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:42 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:49 am
Posts: 3
Yes luckily i am financially able to stay afloat, my dad helps me with rent food etc. I cant stay with them as my step mom and i dont get along very well, its been better since we went thru family therapy but we both feel we dont want to rock the boat and jeoprodize us getting along now by me moving in.

Part of my problem i guess.being alone really makes it hard for me as a bipolar, the days seem long. you just mentioned your parents, i just listened to a song by celine dion and someone ells( il be your angel) and cried my eyes out while holding a picture of my mom.the longing and pain just never goes away? I feel so much empathy for you having to look after your dad after your mom passed away and having to see him passing away to:( i can see from the reply you sent that it still hurts just talking about it.im the exact same. did you mean go work at a hospice? i cant even stand to see dogs at the spca in kennels i get so attached to animals not even to mention people im very emotional and sensitive to things like that, and when a animal or person i know dies, i go into a deep depression.I dont even want to think about losing someone or something in my life again.Wanted to go for the fourth time to the psychiatrist tomorrow its a state hospital so you never see the same person, but just to ask them if they think im ok or need meds or therapy again. with all this going on (or should i say nothing going really on in my life?) im just so frustrated with myself


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: HI Im new
PostPosted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 6:57 am 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm
Posts: 819
Location: sarasota
When my father was dying, hospice volunteers came to the house, gave him baths....and stayed with him while I went to the store.
Hospice has, or at least they used to have, bereavement groups for people who've lost loved ones.....sometimes the losses had happened years before, and because the people really hadn't dealt with it well their families urged them to go to the group. It's somewhat like a group therapy.....everyone there has a common bond of grief and can relate to each other. The leaders gave us a lot of information about the grieving process....something that can take a very long time to process in your head. I actually made a very good friend, a woman who was my age, and had just lost her father. We hit it off immediately, and became very good friends. She was the best friend I'd every had, infact. However, not long after we met, she developed lung cancer which spread elsewhere. She died about 9 months later. But, this time I'd already learned so much the other two times I'd been there, I was able to deal with her death without actually going to the group.

I so hope you can get help for all that is troubling you right now (((((angelbaby)))))


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group