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 Post subject: guilty for feeling happy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:15 pm 
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I often feel bad after something makes me laugh or I try hard not to relax and have fun..... I get jealous when others are laughing and having a good time. It makes it so hard to be around people. We live in a condo and fri we grill at the pool. Friends and neighbors all congregate to us,drinking, laughing......I can pretend really well to be neutral and happy but as soon as I get home I'm relieved. Its so hard to pretend to be happy, its so depressing to not feel you should have any joy. Does that make sense?
I feel like I shouldn't smile or look for reasons not to. I don't know why, I'm pretty sure I want to be happy!!! Everything is so confusing. I just wish I could go with the flow and have a good time instead of thinking about who is making me angry, or what my husband did to deserve my wrath when we get behind closed doors! Does anyone feel like this?


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 Post subject: Re: guilty for feeling happy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:19 pm 
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Location: sarasota
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Welcome.....glad you are here. Yes, I spent most of my life believing I didn't deserve to be happy, didn't deserve to have happiness like I believed everyone else had. Guess it was after my father died 12 years ago, that I could finally understand that yes, indeed, I was a worthwhile person with my own likes and dislikes, my own unique personality.

Are you on meds or in any kind of therapy?


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 Post subject: Re: guilty for feeling happy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:28 pm 
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Hi.
No nothing yet, just reading and doing a dbt workbook... I'm learning a lot. The hard part is explaining to my husband. Explaing how certain phrases like don't start....only make me want to start.
I have been using some of the techniques in the woorbook such as distraction, soothing, etc....
Its really hard to not get angry tho....
I hope I get something good from this


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 Post subject: Re: guilty for feeling happy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:50 pm 
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I did just avoid a usual extreme argument
I asked my husband if he had to pay for a hotel room when he travels next week, usually this turns into an illogical, all out war on my part. He said yes, I asked how much because I do the budgeting ......he said " please don't start".!!
Well you know that made me want to flip and yell and scream, tell him I hate his job, he can't pro idea enough.....and so on.
today I thought for a moment before reacting. He asked if I was mad, I calmly said yes. Then I said I needed a minute to think because im feeling irrational and angry and didn't want to fight. I said im not mad at you, I just need some time to think clearly because im not good at it. I walked away and went to see how my daughters day was..... I'll revisit this usurious layer if I can remain logicly about it. He gets reimbursed for the hotel, we have never gone without.....I think I just don't like ti be alone and that's why I start fights every time GE goes away.


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 Post subject: Re: guilty for feeling happy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:55 pm 
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Good job at being able to walk away before things escalated. Your idea about not wanting to be alone sounds like a reasonable one to me. I know before I started on my own difficult road to recovery, I had a hard time being alone....alone with my thoughts and dysfunctional thinking and behavior. I thought people wouldn't come back, that they really didn't love me, and I would be alone forever. As I gained more insight, the departure of loved ones became easier as I knew there was no rational reason for them to not come back.

dagwood


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