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So tonight for no reason I asked my husband if he had told anyone of this diagnosis? He replied "yes, my sister".
I almost died! I was not ready for anyone outside of our family (home & a counselor) what I am going through.

We have a vacation coming up and now I'm in.so much.panic over what they will think, about my insecurity to ne around them now, I'm afraid they will ne judgemental. Even though they are not that way, I just feel everyone is to some extent.
I have decided I will not go on this vacation because the worry is to overwhelming and I just cant worry myself over this also.

I gel hurt, betrayed, isolated by choice, anxious, ashamed.......
my husband doesn't understand why I feel this way. I know people will eventually find out but I was hoping to be further in recovery and more secure when they did find out. I'm a complete wreck. My husband doesn't understand the stigma or really anything else because he is not researching on his own. I feel like he doesn't care really, that he thinks some meds and counseling will fix it

I would rather be alone than to see what I put him through and because if I'm alone, its just me and my head, no one else to argue with. I don't do cutting or anything, mine is outward rage. I really want to just be alone.
I think.now looking back, my mother died alone, frail and so sad. She was unreasonable and it pushed people away, then I think she did that because she knew.it would be easier for her family and her, she died at 56 from COPD.
o.believe now she committed suicide, only because she didn't seek medical treatment for something controllable.......I really feel she just wanted to die.

Had 3 panic attacks in 2 days, not a good weekend, then to find out my husband told his sister and the feelings I'm.feeling now, it is sooooo overwhelming.
did.my husband have a right to do that? Am.I just over reacting?
I don't know? I'm.so confused. This is so unbearable to.live this way. This is new to me, not the way I think but having it is new to me and the thought of talking to someone in therapy litterally makes.me sob and panic attack.
How do I her over it? Must do it, I guess?
Thanks all! Sorry for rambling, just having a tough weekend;/

Sorry for typos! Typing on a sensitive kindle and lack of proof reading!!!!

I'm sorry you are so distressed over your preconceived notions of how your husband's family, who is your family as well, may treat you for having a label to a mental illness they were likely to have suspected in the first place. In my years of dealing with mental illness, everybody was always happy when I sought help to make myself feel better, which makes everybody else feel better. They will probably be happy that you are seeking treatment and I'm sure there are many things about you they love which is this would make them happy. If people don't know where you are at or what you are feeling, they can't help you....if they only see you run, they think you want nothing to do with them. Best wishes, I hope it all works out.

That's the thing, I hide it so well around others! No one suspects. I've been taking chantix to quit smoking and that has caused it to become out of control! Once I xeroxed from it I am better able to handle life. My Dr said if there is a borderline mental illness than chantix can throw it over the top! Which it did. I feel so much better since I quit chantix, my mind has stabilized and the fighting in the family has decreased.
Thank you for your thoughts. Im feeling better about this, for now though im just gonna tell them the chantix caused a bad reaction. When the time is right I'll tell them the rest;)

so glad you're feeling better, paradisl

dagwood

It should definitely be your call when you want to share the information about your illness. I'm glad you're giving yourself the time to do it when it feels right.

Did you manage to quit smoking?