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 Post subject: frantic mom
PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:15 am 
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My 13 yr old daughter was recently hospitalized after convincing a friend that she wanted to die and that she was being abused at home. After a visit from Child Protective Services and the local sheriff's department she quickly backed off the allegation of abuse but held fast to the threat of suicide.
We have had her in (and out) of therapy several times as a result of some pretty scary behaviors and she had seen her therapist just 2 days before the allegations to her friend. The therapist was as surprised as my husband and I. After much searching, I believe she may be suffering from BPD. Can it occur in children so young? She has had no traumatic events in her life with us although she was adopted as an infant. I am lost and confused and scared. This child was a gift to us from God. How can I help her?


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 Post subject: Re: frantic mom
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 12:00 pm 
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From my understanding, personality disorders aren't usually diagnosed until after adolescence.

Everyone is different, and I could be completely off, but I'll try to provide you with some advice based on my experiences as a troubled child at that age.

I was suicidal and hospitalized at 13. I think that the best thing that you can do is try to be understanding, and to take her feelings seriously. Even if she isn't likely to actually end her life (at least for me, my suicide attempts were pretty mild, because I didn't have that much of an understanding of what it took to commit suicide), try to understand that the pain causing these threats is very real to her. Personally, one of the things that my parents did to hurt me was refer to it as a "threat" when I said that I wanted to die, or that I had hurt myself. For me it wasn't a matter of control, even though my parents often viewed it that way. I was just trying to let the pain out, and would feel guilty or scared about my behavior, and tell them about it.

Do what you can to show her that you care, even though she may respond with hostility. One of the silly things that my mom did when I was in the hospital was bring me Lime Tic Tacs, which she remembered I liked. I was really mad at her at the time for admitting me and probably didn't respond very kindly, but it's still an act of kindness that I remember all these years later. One of my problems is that I sometimes get depressed and lose my appetite, so my dad brought me out for ice cream, knowing that it was something I enjoyed and would eat anyway. I don't know if she has a similar problem, but if she does, it's a kind way to show her that you care whether she eats or not... but don't try to push it too hard if she says no.

Another thing you can do is try to provide her with some coping methods. Depending on what she likes, a new journal, sketchbook, or comfy stuffed animal could help her. It might be best to just leave one of the items for her with a note, rather than presenting it to her directly, as sometimes this can be a little intimidating, and she might be less likely to use it.

If she doesn't have a pet, perhaps you should consider it, as they can be very therapeutic. My cat helped me through a lot of difficult times, just because he was cuddly and nonjudgmental even when I was at my worst.

Hopefully some of that helps, at least a little. I wish for the best for you and your family.


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 Post subject: Re: frantic mom
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:15 pm 
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Hi,

Mask made some excellent suggestions. My son attempted suicide two weeks after his 12th birthday. He's 17 today and has the same diagnosis that I do. Bipolar. He takes med's every day and we watch him closely. I can't really add to what Mask said. I just wanted you to know that I've been there and understand.

Luna

_________________
"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: frantic mom
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:25 pm 
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I'm so sorry you and your family are going through such turmoil. What does her therapist think her diagnosis is?

As for traumatic events, I for one had no such thing in my life. I've known many people with bpd who have had no traumatic experiences.

I believe my father probably also had bpd, and IMO, there is a genetic link.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: frantic mom
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 2:35 am 
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hey there

Even though your daughter has no traumatic experiences with you guys, remember that she was being abandoned in the first place by her original / biological parents. That itself is a traumatic event for an infant.


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