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 Post subject: recovery- self or help needed?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:15 am 
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hi
after 12 years in a difficult and stormy relationship with both long lasting and short term infidelities, my bpdw has now made the decision that she desperately wants to beat the "pull" of innapropriate sex. she is high performing in her proffessional life but has spent her life going from one relationship problem to another which she recognizes are caused by her self destructive side. because of the damage and hurt that we have both lived with, i have given her the boundry that if she does see anyone else again we will separate. i believe she really wants to try to make this a success but my question is how would we have the best chance of success? by just talking and trying to do it alone or by seeking a proffessional (which she is reluctant to do). ive seen the terms "healing" "self healing" and "recovered" , but dont really understand how they can be achieved. if theres a chance she could live her life free of the constant "pull" to be destructive i think we would have a much better chance than if she just tries to fight it


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 Post subject: Re: recovery- self or help needed?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 3:32 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm
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Location: sarasota
Welcome Mike,

Your wife needs to be motivated in order to heal....is she in any kind of therapy or on any medications?

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: recovery- self or help needed?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 4:21 pm 
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no medication, she has seen a therapist for a couple of years on and off with no obvious benifits. i know she is currently motivated to change as a lot of what she has done has done has recently come out and she feels that she wants to stop hurting others and herself. i wonder if she has to "forgive herself" for what happened when she was a child (which obviously wasnt her fault in any way) to be able to move on. she says that she feels a "pull" to do these things and when shes doing them she puts everything else into a box. she says she "doesnt get love" and feels bad at home where it is all around her, she feels "bad" and reenforces her view of herself by doing more bad things. its how best to break the cycle and have the best chance of success that i need advice on i think


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 Post subject: Re: recovery- self or help needed?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 4:29 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:48 am
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I think your wife needs professional help to get over her childhood so she can effectively work on her present. Regular and intensive professional help. I infer from your post that she was somehow abused as a child and that it's manifesting itself in the here and now. I imagine she's in tremendous pain. Continue to support her but leave the work to the professionals. That's my opinion. Good luck, good Hubby.

_________________
"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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