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 Post subject: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 10:12 am 
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Hi, I'm a 24 yo female just diagnosed with BPD. I have been struggling with this since I was 14 years old. I want desperately to get better but don't know where to start


jovie


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:52 am 
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Hi Jovie!

Sorry to hear you've been suffering so long. You're still young, though, so there's plenty of time to recover and to live well.

As for where to start, it looks as if you have already by posting here! What about the person who diagnosed you? I would think that ethically he or she has responsibility for pointing you in the right direction for treatment/recovery.

Acacia xx


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:50 am 
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Hi Jovie,

I found that picking one of the homework assignments in the Tool Shed was a pretty good way to start. It's not required of course, but the exercises provide with some valuable insight. :) Welcome to the board!

Mask


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:28 am 
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Thanks for replying. I was diagnosed but I cannot afford therapy right now. I have been in therapy in the past and for some reason I hate it, it makes me feel like everybody is blaming me for these emotions that I can't control. I am still living with my parents right now though, about to graudate college. Our relationships are extremely rough. For some reason I always feel like I'm holding a grudge toward everyone. I am excellent at holding grudges. lol. My emotions are always a roller coaster ride. I do have a boyfriend right now but idk if it will last, I always get mad at them for some little thing and then end up begging them to forgive me.

Is full recovery even possible? How long should it take? All I want is to feel ok, be able to function well and have a stable relationship.


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:56 am 
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IMO, Jovie, recovery is definitely obtainable.....you're only limited by your motivation and determination. I'm not sure about the "full" part you speak of. I have my moments when I feel like I'm slipping a bit, but I've now got the skills to put me back on the path again. This is just my story, though.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:06 pm 
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Welcome Jovie,

This is a good place to discuss symptoms and problems related to your life and BPD. I hope you stick around and take advantage of the support offered here.

Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:56 pm 
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hey there Jovie
Recovery is possible even if you don't have a therapist. Do check out the homework and start doing them. And keep posting here.


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:56 pm 
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Welcome to BPD Recovery! I hope you find all the help you need here!


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 9:51 pm 
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Welcome to BPDR. :)

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"And suddenly... I felt nothing."


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2012 12:52 am 
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I'm new too, seems like we've both made a step in the right direction. I don't know where to start either, but at least we're trying. Hope we'll talk more again.


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 6:23 pm 
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Thank you everyone. I must say that overall, looking back over the years, I feel I have been getting progressively better. I still have a hard time working, I have zero self esteem or sense of self, I have NO goals, impulsive is my middle name, etc. BUT I am no longer a paralyzed little girl whose emotions were so extremely out of control that I literally couldn't even function. That was in high school. Ugh, I don't even want to think back on it. All I did was wreak havoc because that's all my mind and emotions were doing to me. I could hold NO relationships, with anyone.

Now, I am at least able to recognize that that is what was going on. There is now a part of me that WANTS to have goals, be able to go to work without my emotions getting out of control and wanting to retreat home, and there is definitely a part of me who wants to have relationships now. (Not that I didn't "want" them before, I just mean I want to put in the effort.)

From what I've learned, this is somewhat typical of BPD, the whole gradually getting better over the long term. I've read that many BPDs are naturally "recovered" by age 35-40.


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2012 2:06 pm 
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Jovie,

That's great how far you have progressed since High School. Even though you don't want to think about it (and I don't blame you), history can help us predict the future and also help us avoid mistakes. With that in mind, now that you have goals you are able to keep progressing to a post-high school happy life!


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 Post subject: Re: I don't know where to start
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2012 2:22 pm 
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I can attest to at least having more control over things than I used to. I recognize triggers or when I have begun acting irrationally. I am going on 45 this year, and although I still have "the world would be better off without me" thoughts, I no longer get so bad that I act on that thought by cutting. It has probably been over 10 years since I last cut. Instead, just like now, when I start going into what I figure is crisis mode, I reach out, look for answers and ways to cope. This time what led me here is I feel that I have alienated people again, always talking about my drama. It is hard for people to deal with so much emotion. I would go to a therapist but have never found one in this area I trust. I don't want to screw up what friendships I have by talking about more than they can really handle.


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