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 Post subject: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 5:10 pm 
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I actually sit here, shaking, trying to find something worthy enough to put into words. On the verge of breaking down, the feeling of worthlessness being overwhelming.

Anyway.. I'm 33 years old, diagnosed with BPD last December. Although I know in my heart that I've been this way since I was 8. I am currently in a support group, preparing for Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which should keep me occupied for about 6 more months.

I happened upon this site as I was searching for something, anything, concerning BPD that would explain my deep desire to give up. I found this forum yesterday, read a bit but was in no state to join at the time. I do hope this makes sense and that you will accept me into the community.

- D.F.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2012 1:35 am 
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hey Darker Fate,
First of all, a warm welcome to you. welcome onboard :)

Secondly, a great big hug for you :) ((((((((darkerfate))))))))

Thirdly, i think you're headed in the right direction - you're going for DBT, which is going to be very helpful.

Do post here, write in on how u are doing, how you are progressing OR REGRESSING...

take care!


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2012 7:59 am 
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Hi Darker Fate,

Despite the difficulties you are going through, you are seeking help both through therapy and from us. :) That takes a lot of hope, strength, and courage. You can do it!


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2012 10:07 am 
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Thank you both.

Those 2-3 hours, 3 days a week, I spend with my group and professionals are the only good times I have. At this point in my life, at the very least. We can just be ourselves without fear of people judging us and such. It's such a relief, but when I'm driving back home the sadness returns and I get tired of everything.

My biggest struggle throughout my days is finding something I can keep interested in for more than a week. Something to keep me occupied and out of my head. But I end up just staying in bed and watching whatever.

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poet by heart.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2012 12:58 pm 
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Welcome....so glad you've found us.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2012 7:43 pm 
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Darker Fate,
just curious, are you currently working or anything?


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2012 7:33 am 
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Maybe it would be helpful to define some of your interests. Try writing a list of things you enjoy... it can start out simple: "I like the color blue. Walks. Pillows. Table top RPG's. Drawing comics. Taking care of my health." Etc. etc. That might wake some of them up. From there, maybe you can start some goals for yourself: "Go on a 15 minute walk. Write down some of my video game concepts. Drink more water."

Alternatively, when I was having trouble at school, it helped to make a list and say "Okay. If I do THESE 5 things today, I will have done better than yesterday and can feel good about myself: Eat 3 meals. Take a shower. Go to class. Work on homework for 1 hour. Meditate."

White erase boards can be VERY handy.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2012 4:22 am 
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meremortal: Not working, don't think I could handle any kind of pressure without exploding in rage or into tears. As is. Besides, in a few weeks I'll be spending all day, 5 days a week, in the DBT place.

Mask: That's not a bad idea! Last two nights I kept myself busy with some friends, which has improved my mood a lot. But I need something over the day, when my time is free of other things.

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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2012 5:14 am 
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DarkerFate,

Would volunteer work of some sort be an option?

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2012 8:25 am 
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since you're going over to the DBT place in a few weeks' time, it's just these few weeks that you have to deal with :)


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 Post subject: Re: Hello, people.
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 7:55 am 
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A delayed welcome to you, DarkerFate.

I struggle with what to do with my time as well. I'm recently separated and now live alone and don't really know what to do with myself. I nap and watch mindless TV quite a bit. I'm in the process of trying to make friends to go out and DO things with. I can't stand the isolation. I call my two brothers daily.

I'm thrilled that you have the opportunity to attend DBT. Maybe you can share some of what you learn with us here on BPDR. I think it will be wonderful opportunity for you.

Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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