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 Post subject: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 11:58 am 
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I have been seeing a therapist for nine months and she said this week that she thinks I have bpd. I knew a little about about the disorder, but since she said this I have been reading a lot about it and am now feeling really lonely and scared. I do have some of the symptoms but not all and I really do not want to have bpd.
The ones I have;
I feel empty almost all the time
I feel worthless almost all the time
My feelings are very up and down, often like being on a roller coaster
I have a history of self harm
I am terrifed of abondonment.
(But part of me thinks that my situation could explain these-I live alone, have no family or support network and am very lonely. )
Symptoms I dont have include- I have never been in debt and don't overspend
I don't generally act impulsively
I don't drink much (about 5 bottles of wine a year) or use drugs.
One of the main reasons I don't want to have bpd is the stigma. There is so much prejudice against it and if I do have it, I worry that I would never find a relationship.
My therapist said that I don't think in the same way as most people, that I am different. She also said that she will be ending our sessions soon, so I have to deal with a prospective dianosis of bpd with no therapeutic support at all.


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 Post subject: Re: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 11:02 am 
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hey. i just wanted to offer a little advice. If i was in your situation i would'nt focus on a diagnosis as much as i would relief from my symptoms. a can of corn is still a can of corn even if it has a green bean label on it. I have found this site pretty helpful since i've began taking advantage of what it offers. I hope your feelings of lonliness and fear don't become overwhelming,but if they do, feel free to reach out. I don't think anyone here would mind giving any help they can offer.good luck

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she tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit


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 Post subject: Re: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 11:51 am 
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Thank you for your reply. It's good to know that I can come here whenever I feel afraid and alone.
I saw my doctor today and she is referring me to be tested for possible Aspergers. I know that sometimes people with Aspergers can display similar characteristics to people with bpd. She said that bpd is also on a spectrum like atusim, so it is possible to have it to a more limited extent. To be honest, I know I have borderline tendancies, which is why the situation upsets me so much. I think you are right, though, to say it is better not to focus on a diagnosis when it comes to bpd. I am still me, whatever label I may have. Though having said this, some labels do attract so much prejudice and rejection.
Why are so many articles both online and in the newspapers about bpd so horrible-sufferers are portrayed so negatively. One thing which is really upsetting is when they discuss relationships with people with bpd, as the writers tend to assume that the partner without bpd will more or less definitely leave the relationship at some stage. It is as if someone without bpd never gets angry or unhappy, never fears rejection, never misinterprets something innocent as criticism and never gets into a state, in these writers' eyes. And if there are any problems in the relationship, it is taken for granted that the person with bpd caused them. It does make me upset to read that sort of thing.


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 Post subject: Re: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 2:26 pm 
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Welcome Fran,

So glad you've found this site. There is a whole lot of misinformation about bpd out there....newspapers, online etc. Most of the info I've seen elsewhere is very pessimistic. I'd look at the info available on this site. It is definitely possible to recover and live a wonderful and fullfilling life. You've got many people on this site who've proved this.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 5:11 pm 
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unfortunately people fear what they dont understand. Im not saying bpd isnt an ugly affliction, but its not like your going to be walkin around with a big sign on your forehead that says (HEY I HAVE BPD!!). The stigma that comes with any mental illness does suck, I can't count the number of times someone close to me has said, "did u take your meds today?" just cause i was a little aggravated,or upset about something. jesus christ that used to piss me off, i'd flip out evrytime. i try not to take things so personally these days. if someone cant accept me for me and be happy about, i dont need them around anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 6:14 pm 
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Fran

first of all welcome onboard :)

why does your therapist want to terminate sessions? did he/ she explain why? And is he/she referring you to another therapist?

I have been seeing a psychiatrist for two years. Even then, he doesn't give bpd-specific therapy. Most of my recovery work i do it on my own, through this board and through books.


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 Post subject: Re: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2012 12:46 pm 
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Thank you everyone who has replied.
She didn't give any explanation for terminating our sessions. I saw her yesterday and brought up what she said last week about thinking I have bpd and she said that if I don't think I have it, then I don't have it. She also said she isn't qualified to make a diagnosis. To be honest, she has left me feeling more confused than ever. Why say she thought i had it when she isn't qualified to make this diagnosis? And why rely on me to diagnose myself? I am starting to think she is a pretty bad counsellor.
I went to the local mental health centre today to the writing group I belong to there and I spoke to a member of staff. She said that it might be worth seeing someone who is qualified to tell if I have bpd or not. She also described bpd as the way in which people with the condition respond emotionally to things, and was not judgemental at all about it. She said she couldnt tell me if I had it or not, but that if I do, I would get support.


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 Post subject: Re: I feel so alone and afraid.
PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2012 9:02 am 
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Hi there, Fran! Welcome to the board!

I agree with you, that it's very unprofessional of your counselor to, not only terminate sessions without giving you a reason, but also to offer some form of possible diagnosis when she was not qualified to do such.

I think it's great that the lady at the MH center was also very nonjudgmental about it. There's a ton of negative stigma surrounding BPD, and I think it's so much easier to get support and help when you aren't being bombarded by the negative stuff. I've been assured, here and elsewhere, that it is possible to recover and help is available. This forum is really supportive too, so always know that there's lots of support and help here when you need it! :)

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