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 Post subject: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:03 pm 
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I was diagnosed with BPD 9 1/2 years ago. I had been doing quite well for the past 3 years. I've done CBT and DBT. I was working, really enjoying life, smiling and had been so happy. Things in my life to had stabilized and I did not have to access the mental health services. In the spring of 2011 I had the opportunity to help out a psychology student and I was able to take all the psychological tests that I had taken 9 1/2 years ago and it was determined that I did not have any symptoms of mental illness and was told that I was in remission. I was doing so well that in the fall of 2011 I was discharged from therapy.

In March of this year I had rotator cuff surgery and I believe the pain from the surgery, lack of sleep, loosing my job and being denied benefits from the Workplace Safety and Insurance Board have made things difficult to handle. 4 weeks ago I started having suicidal ideation, self-harm thoughts and thoughts of revenge. I am so full of hate and I'm so depressed, the anxiety has come back and I'm scared. I'm having a difficult time dealing with what is going on and the help that I've been trying to ask for has not been so kind. I've seen my family doctor, he increased my anti-depressant and advised me to go to the ER if things got worse. The crisis line has not been helpful at all, more annoying than anything. I called a Psychology Clinic and was able to speak to someone, but felt that I wasn't really being validated. I left the clinic feeling very confused. I've gone to the ER, only to leave more anxious then when I arrived and feeling utterly humiliated. Things really haven't changed with the Mental Health System where I live.

I had hoped that by now, these mental health symptoms would have settled down, but today they are stronger than ever.


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:39 pm 
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Location: sarasota
Prayforpeace,

So sorry you're having some difficult times right now. IMO, We learn how to deal with stress with better coping mechanisms, but I don't believe that the bpd behaviors and thinking are completely eradicated and that stress will "reactivate" them. It sounds as though you've been dealing with so much stress coming at you so fast that you're temporarily "derailed" so to speak.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 12:40 am 
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prayforpeace


i'm really sorry to hear that all the symptoms are back to haunt you again. Perhaps this is time to utilize all the dbt and cbt skills that you have acquired?


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:25 pm 
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Hi Prayforpeace,

Im not on here very consistently, just hopped on the boards and saw your post. First i want to say congratulations for achieving recovery!! I know you've had a relapse... I just wanted to say that I relate to the triggers and it seems understandable to me that you could be suffering again, given your stresses. As someone with a chronic physical illness and very bad sleep deprivation, I am inclined to wonder if I would struggle with bpd (or bpd traits...it's an unclear diagnoses for me) nearly as much (or even at all?) without them.

Also just a thought...I wonder if it's possible that any medications you've received during your shoulder incident/recovery could be exacerbating the problem as well. Anesthesia, itself, can be traumatic on the body.

If you achieved recovery before, it seems likely you could do it again. Wishing you the best!

Liz


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:03 pm 
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Prayforpeace,

I'm sorry to hear from all of the complications that accompanied your surgery. As you said, our medical system isn't particularly helpful sometimes. :( I'm sorry that you have had such bad experiences with it. Though it's not the same as peer support in person, I'm here to listen and cheer you on toward recovering again.

Mask


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 8:20 pm 
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Thank You so much for all of your support. I saw my family doctor and psychologist on June 18, I decided that since my mood had not improved I would come into hospital.

My hospital stay didn't really help. I didn't have any real problems until Monday, that's when a few nurses came on shift, the ones who work for a paycheque and not for the patients. Anyway by Wednesday I'd really had it and was becoming increasingly confused and agitated. It turns out this was a side effect of the Ralivia (pain medication), I'm so glad that they were monitoring me closely (NOT)! On Tuesday it took a whole day before a nurse came to talk to me because they noticed I wasn't acting like myself. I explained that I was frustrated because the pain medication wasn't working, my mood was getting worse and that the ultrasound for my shoulder hadn't been ordered. They asked if I had spoken to the psychiatrist that day and I told them that I spoke briefly to her student and was told that they were trying to see all their patients that day, but that they were pretty busy. That was fine with me; I understood they were busy and they had a lot of new patients to see. That day and only that day when I left the unit I was only allowed to leave for 30 minutes at a time, I was to come back and check with the nurses every 30 minutes. That day and only that day, I was told that if I had Tylenol as with any PRN, I was not allowed to leave the unit for 1 full hour after I had taken the medication. Every time I checked in with the nurse, I was asked the same 2 questions: How I was feeling and If I saw the Psychiatrist. That evening I didn't know who my nurse was until they came to give me my meds at 10:30 pm. I don't hang out at the nurses’ station and bug the nurses; I don't stock the doctors and nag them until the talk to me. That's just not who I am!

Imagine my shock when my psychologist came to talk to me on Wednesday and told me that in rounds he was told that I was angry because I was being ignored by the doctors! He went on to explain that as an inpatient I don't get to see the doctors every day, they are busy with other patients both in the Hospital and in Clinic. I lost it I started crying and told him that was just bullshit and not even remotely close to what I had talked to the nurses about! He proceeded to tell me that I had been sulking at the Window in the hallway for 30 minutes. I had left my room to watch the Thunder Storm and to give my roommate privacy, which if anyone had bothered to talk to me I would have told them.

I am furious and sad that no matter how long you have been off the unit it doesn't matter. I don't like that the nurses can say whatever they want and are believed because I'm just a mental health patient. I feel so betrayed! Now I have to wean off the pain medication and continue on with the pain being as it is. I don't know what to do now! I have an ultrasound on July 3, to see what's going on with my shoulder; I see my family doctor on July 10 and then the Orthopedic Surgeon on July 19. It's going to be a busy few weeks!


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:04 pm 
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are you still in the hospital?


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:45 am 
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meremortal wrote:
are you still in the hospital?


Sorry it's been a busy week, I was discharged last Wednesday. I'm doing a bit better, just trying to take things one day at a time.


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 Post subject: Re: Recovery/Relapse
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:51 pm 
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yeah taking things one thing at a time sounds good :)


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