Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Wed Aug 21, 2019 5:04 pm

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Hi everyone
PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:00 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri May 18, 2012 4:51 pm
Posts: 1
Hi everyone

I've decided to introduce myself. I'm Al, a 45 Australian guy who was diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago, whilst in the course of counselling trying to keep a relationship alive. The relationship has just ended, with finality. I'm feeling terrible although I do have friends to reach out to who are keeping me company.

Over the course of my life my personal relationships have been riddled with a constant I love you/I don't love you trope. My girlfriends over the years have generally been wonderful and stuck by me (I've have a couple of 7 year relationships, then a big mistake of a 3 year marriage, then the relationship of 5 years which has just ended ... to the person I believe is the love of my life.

We lived together in a foreign city for 3 years, then were to have returned to my home country. Instead, I had a meltdown and sent her away. We reinstigated the relationship some months later and commenced a long distance relationship, but after 2 years (and another 2 to come before we'd be reunited), the separation proved too traumatic for me and I cut it off in March. I've now a deep sense of regret but it is probably too late late - she says she has moved on ... and after all this on and off over the years, I can't blame her. But the sense of loss is enormous.

Reading the overviews, my black/white thinking didn't take the form of love/hate, but rather love/don't love. At various times i have been completely convinced, with absolute clarity, that my life would end either if I was with her, or if I was without her. The clarity each time is what scares me. I am feeling borderline suicidal at the moment but at least have very good support of friends.

I have start started on mindfulness meditation and am off alcohol and other drugs, eating healthily (I am capable of binge eating and drinking too much) and exercising daily.

I'm a consultant that was laid off work a few years ago and has had difficult re-entering the workforce. That has been a great source of stress and worry, both in terms of career goals and financial safety. I have sue time at the moment and really need to get through this very difficult patch. I am probably going to move back to the foreign city, where I've lived for the past 10 years. My friends are my real family and I need them around me. Plus where I come from is a bit of a backwater, comparatively speaking, and I miss the energy and constant social interaction of my old city.

I'm not sure what else to say here other than hello, and that I look forward to contributing and learning, and of course trying to heal. This bpd thing is a real burden!

Cheers
Al


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Hi everyone
PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 10:19 am 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm
Posts: 819
Location: sarasota
Albatross,

Welcome!

dagwood


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Hi everyone
PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 6:14 pm 
Community Member
Community Member

Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
albatross
just to let you know, i read through every word you wrote :)

hugs to you

yupz this bpd thing is a burden. couldn't agree more.

welcome onboard albatross!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Hi everyone
PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 6:49 pm 
New Member
New Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:20 pm
Posts: 336
Hi Al. Sorry to hear that you're going through so many difficulties right now.

I think that mindfulness meditation is a wonderful idea... it has really helped me to sit back and observe my emotions when I'm feeling intense, rather than letting it escalate.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Hi everyone
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:26 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2012 8:47 pm
Posts: 13
Welcome. It sounds like you have a lot of major life changes going on right now, with moving and your job and your relationship. Sometimes I think chaos is what keeps me going from one day to the next. So much going on that there's really no time to wallow. Stick with a good support network and keep posting on here. Its great to feel understood... Good luck!

~ Christina


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group