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 Post subject: Sometimes it can hurt to breathe...
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:38 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:07 pm
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Hi people,
Sorry for the potentially self indulgent headliner, but its one of the ways I try and get through to people what I feel, so much of the time.
I have been recently diagnosed with BPD, and only today looked into accepting it.
What I really want is people who understand and can offer support, and me in return, whilst we trudge slowely but surely to recovery.
I'd also like to know, from people's experience where do I start? I am starting therapy but thats days away, and currently its so bloody hard to make it through one day! I have very extreme anxiety in the morning as one of my central problems is I literally can't be alone, unless I choose it, in short periods.
My head spins and spins the negative thoughts about how irrational I am being, then the extreme self hatred comes in, then when its too much to bear suicidal ideation, which makes the pain worse when I realise its a really difficult thing to do. I fel so vunerable writing this, but here goes i'm pressing submit....


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 Post subject: Re: Sometimes it can hurt to breathe...
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2012 10:57 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 8:51 am
Posts: 4
I understand how you feel, Whiteworgan. I, like you, am new on this site, and I posted a similar message several days ago. The embodiment of extreme loneliness is a problem that I have suffered for years, and like you, have found almost impossible to tolerate. Here are a couple of things I've tried in the past few days just to help get me through:
1) Follow my breathing patterns, i.e. become aware of them and start to notice where the breath catches and then try to move it through the block. This is easier said than done, especially during the wee small hours of the morning when the wolf is at my throat, but I simply try to endure the worst, and gradually, my breathing relaxes. The trick here is not to control the breath but really try to just follow it.
2) Rent silly DVDs that help me laugh. The laughing feels good, helps me break out of the negative head spin that gets the heebie-jeebies going, and I begin to see the comic side of those two theatre faces that really do represent our lives. Humor and wit are really good defense mechanisms, especially when they help me begin not to take myself sooooooo seriously. (Hard to do sometimes, I know, but really therapeutic in the best sense of the term!)
3) Go to a pet store or the local animal shelter and just look at the animals there. Look in their eyes and connect with something living.

This is as far as I've gotten this week. I'll let you know if something else comes to me.

Peace -

Benu


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 Post subject: Re: Sometimes it can hurt to breathe...
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2012 5:48 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:20 pm
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Hey Whiteworgan. I don't think the title is self-indulgent. I think it's expressive. I don't really have any great advice for you right now... I'm a little lost myself, and not quite sure what to try next.

But I am really glad that you chose to post, despite the feelings of vulnerability it brings. Please keep writing. :) And welcome to the boards!

Mask


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 Post subject: Re: Sometimes it can hurt to breathe...
PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 8:05 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:40 am
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Hey hey,
Maybe it be could if you read Rachel Reiland, Get me out of here. available on amzon that's where i found it. It kinda gave me a little bit of hope as to the future might hold for me. It's still not the answer but it kept me busy and distracted but focused for a while.

I feel with you the empty lonely engulfing feelings it drives me dilly at times. I'm so afraid everyone is going to give up on me esspesially very significant people. Im almost sure everybody has a termanation date in mind and i try and hide these fears from them in fear of them moving that date earlier. I carry around with me things that makes me remember those whom mean so much to me. I seem to forget everything about them when they not in sight it makes me feel a bit more safe and cared for.

If been diagnosed now for 7 years and i don't know if im doing beter I've had the symptoms since adolescents and im not sure where to go either. So desperatly don't wanna be here but someone once told me if your still here there is still hope!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Sometimes it can hurt to breathe...
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 2:56 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:07 pm
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I am just reading that book, and it really helps, I completely identify with her crazy behaviour!!!I'm probably doing a bit better now than when I posted, I have a therapist and my meds seem to have finally kicked in a bit. I like your idea about carrying round reminders, my sister wrote me a card today maybe I'll put it in my bag 2moro! xx


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 Post subject: Re: Sometimes it can hurt to breathe...
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:55 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
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hey hey Whiteworgan
first of all, like Mask, I don't think your headliner is self-indulgent.
Secondly, thanks for allowing yourself to be vulnerable to us over here on the board.

thirdly i think you have come to the right place for support. I have found more support here than in real life! seriously!

fourthly, i would advise you to set small goals. Start with small goals. For example, "I will get through the morning." Then, plan your morning. Plan exactly what you want to do for your morning and how you want to spend your morning. Then, force yourself to do whatever you have planned, even if you don't feel like it.

how bout trying out my suggestion?

:)

finally, many, many, many, many hugs to you!


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 Post subject: Re: Sometimes it can hurt to breathe...
PostPosted: Wed Sep 19, 2012 5:18 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 3:46 pm
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Hey Whiteworgan

I'm new as well and completely can relate to how you feel. What helps me is to go to a 24 hr coffee shop near my home and get work done, read or do something that puts you in the world (a word that is not in your own head). We are oversensitive and mistakenly believe that we are being judged every minute. In reality, most people are just like us, just to a milder extent. Goodness and sympathy can be found everywhere


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