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 Post subject: So i'm new and stuck
PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:52 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:40 am
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So stuck in my coping meganisms and its dangerouse it can and will surely kill me and soon my family and fiends.

My therapist annouced her leaving end of next year and it feels like everyting is falling apart and that on the same day i descovered a dark dark cold nake lonely coner of my being. I feel so screwd.

Im losing my temper more often now. I dream shamefull things, things no one can ever now about. I get paranoid and find im missing time in the day my fiend says she knows cause she comes accross it everytime - it boils down to dissociation. Im so scared feel like making an exit. Feal so torn between life and death my joints snapping ripping apart in between the two of them. Why can't they just let me go do they know what living is doing to me?


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 Post subject: Re: So i'm new and stuck
PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 11:15 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2012 12:30 am
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Sounds rough, and I don’t know what anyone around here can tell you. I’m new, and don’t have BP, but I’ve been down and confused for sure – life has a way of doing that to everyone. But – it also has many many ways of making the effort worthwhile. Last night I watched an amazing sunset while sitting in the back of my little truck with my dog, having hauled some windfall apples to the neighborhood donkeys. First haul, and they loved them.

It’s all caved in on me before, too. Trudge through the crap – just keep on going, no matter what the pain. Expect little - and the smallest of things will become great rewards. Good people will appear – they’re out there. Do what you must to survive, cuz it’s worth it. Don’t give up, you’ll have an eternity to be gone. We are all the end-products of survival like you can’t imagine, had any one of our ancestors slipped or miscalculated, we wouldn’t be here. Use it, use Life. Hell – it uses you! Wring all you can from it.

I once searched the internet for the least painful way to die – and was so pissed ‘people’ kept telling everyone ‘not to!’ You know what – they were right. I was hurting, seemingly alone and confused, but I stuck with it. It was all worth it, if only to take a couple of phone photos of that sunset last night, to admire my beautiful dog sitting next to me, to have given a treat to those neglected donkeys and just to be alive. So hang on, and reach out, as you are. You never know what lies ahead and can sometimes barely understand what’s now behind… (fuck it) You deserve life ~


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 Post subject: Re: So i'm new and stuck
PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 6:33 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:00 pm
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Location: The Carolinas
Listen to Outside. He (or she?) has some smart things to say.

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As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. -- Goethe


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