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 Post subject: completely overwhelmed!
PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 5:22 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2012 4:33 pm
Posts: 1
I was just diagnosed with BPD...as in today, this morning at about 9:00. I was totally blindsided by these 3 tiny initials because I thought all of my problems were a result of years of tragedy.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2007. I was in a canoeing accident in 05' and watched a dear friend drown. I have dealt with years and years of triggers. There was a lengthy wrongful death case that brought up all the guilt and fears on a weekly and monthly basis. I received treatment (medication) and thought I had moved on. Last year another man was killed in the same spot and it brought back all of my symptoms. I also was pregnant at the time and I know for me that my PTSD symptoms were multiplied because of that.

In late 2010 my best friend committed suicide. He suffered from Schizophrenia for years and after being diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, he made a horrible choice. This has added to my survivors guilt immensely.

The longest I have ever been on medication was 4 months. I have always thought that seeing a doctor for my issues was selfish or showed a weakness. BUT since my child was born I have come to the conclusion that seeking help does not EVER show weakness, it shows an ultimate strength. I have had trouble maintaining relationships, raging against the people I love and trust, spending too much money, intense paranoia about my child's health and safety, and paranoia about being in public around strangers.

Today when my psychiatrist said "Borderline Personality Disorder" I was a little shocked. Once she started to explain to me what that meant I had an intense sense of relief. I always knew I had PTSD but I didn't know why my problems didn't exactly coincide with the PTSD symptoms. I just thought I was reaching a severe breaking point. I was also scared that I was "losing my mind" because my grandmother is schizophrenic and mental illness runs deep in my family including my mother and brother. I also have ADHD that I chose not to treat and this has only enhanced my feelings of being out of control.

I have a lot of hope that with the help of talk therapy, I can start to unravel my problems and gain a lot of insight into my destructive behavior.

I am truly thankful for this forum because I feel really overwhelmed about where to go and what to do now. I am looking forward to using some of the tools because I never had coping mechanisms before.

Thank you for reading this and listening to me!

 Post subject: Re: completely overwhelmed!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 6:28 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 1613
Location: The Carolinas
Hi and welcome!

I am so sorry for all the loses you've experienced. That would mess with anyone, even so-called "normal" folks. I'm glad you realized that getting help is not a weakness.

I felt pretty relieved when I was dx'd, too. It's as though this bright light began to shine and I finally knew what was wrong with me. I was then able to start working on me.

So again, welcome! I hope you like it here.

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. -- Goethe

 Post subject: Re: completely overwhelmed!
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 10:59 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
dear helpforyou

yupz listening to you ramble on :)

many, many, many hugs for you.

so currently you are seeing a psychiatrist right? are you on any meds? is your psychiatrist giving you any therapy?

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