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 Post subject: my intro
PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 3:41 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 27, 2012 3:23 pm
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Dear all,

I am brought to this website because I think I am in a relationship with someone who may be suffering from BPD. I have been reading a lot in the last couple of days about this and everything seems to fit. I looked for this information because I feel so unhappy in this relationship that I am beginning to feel that I am the one that has a problem and need help. My bf doesnt seem to know what he wants. We started going out 2 years ago and everything was good at first and he thought I was the "perfect" one for him. I told him at the start that I was good friends with my ex but in the end we broke up all because he thought he "caught" us together when nothing could be further from the truth. I kept trying to explain to him but he won't listen to me no matter what I said. And a week later I get a call telling me he is going out with another girl. A girl, I might add that was supposed to be a "friend". And then he acted as if I didnt exist everytime he saw me - hated my guts. And 6 mths down the line they split up. He came back and stupidly? I took him back. But nothing has changed. Even though he was the one that cheated he continually says I cannot be trusted even though I do everything I possibly can to reassure him. He constantly changes his mind between us being in a relationship and us being "friends". One minute he is fine then next minute he accuses me of being a liar and a fraud when all I did was tell him I was meeting a female friend. The other day he told me he never wanted nothing to do with me then in the duration of about an hour sitting in his house because I don't know how else to talk sense into someone who won't listen, started acting "normal" again ie he wasnt mad at me anymore even though we didnt even talk about it. I am actually starting to think whether I have missed something and if I am crazy myself for putting up with this behaviour. I should also mention that in the past he stalked me - actually I found out the other day he still does. When he decides he wants to fall out with me he will say he doesnt want anything to do with me but then he will drive past my house. All this unpredicatable behaviour in the course of the last 2 years on and off has caused me to be on edge all the time and down. Half the time I start to wonder if I am the one losing my mind and a feeling of self hatred for letting a guy treat me this way. Do all these things sounds like someone who has BPD? I really want some answers and help. I dont know how to walk away or if I should. He constantly switches between his moods and all my friends hate him for treating me like crap yet I still love him. I dont know what to do.


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 Post subject: Re: my intro
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:02 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
dear jen
we can't tell if he has borderline. Coz not all borderlines cheat. Not all borderlines display the exact same behaviour.
is he seeing a doc, or a psych doc, a therapist or something? the professionals are the ones who are qualified to say if he has borderline.


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 Post subject: Re: my intro
PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 11:24 am 
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No, he isnt seeing a doctor or professional. I managed to get him to go to a therapist at one point but he only went twice and managed to get discharged because he is so good at masking his behaviour. He won't let me go with him so I only have his word to take for it that he even went.

I found out just recently that he cheated on me more than once.

I just don't understand how am I the one that cannot be trusted when I have never cheated or even thought of another man whilst I have been with him and now I find out that he has actually cheated on me twice?

He just seems content to shut everyone out of his life. He has no close friends or friends that he hangs out with. The only people he sees or spends time with is his twin brother or his parents. He seems to think no one can be trusted and is happy to live a life in isolation. I thought it was possible he might have BPD because he seems to fit into the thinking that as soon as people have imperfections they are bad. There is only black and white and people cannot have imperfections. He used to say when things were good that I was "perfect" yet when he decided that I could not be trusted even though I did nothing for him to think that he would call me all sorts of abusive things. And now he never seems to be able to see past that no matter what I do. He just thinks that I cannot be trusted even though I try to do whatever he wants me to do now to show him much I love him and want to be with him.


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 Post subject: Re: my intro
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:59 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
hmmmmm

i think you really need to talk to him about seeing a professional to get professional help for his behaviour......


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 Post subject: Re: my intro
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 11:29 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:58 pm
Posts: 27
i agree with meremortal. We can't diagnose him, and really, a diagnosis doesnt matter as much as getting HELP. He obviously has trouble with personal relationships and some major trust issues, and that alone is enough to get some therapy help! I know you love him, but in the end, getting help and changing is up to HIM. Keep that in mind, cuz I know things can get very hard being with someone unpredictable. Good luck and I hope he tries to get help for himself to live happier and healthier!


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