Baker, “
My partner treats me with total respect. He goes above and beyond in all aspects of our relationship. He is truly amazing, but he does not like the ups and downs and is getting tired.”
I’ve posted here looking for answers to help my former bpd girlfriend. She’s left, though I’ve a feeling she’d return if given the opportunity/ encouragement (as I’m still trying to figure things out). Your symptoms are her symptoms. I’m sorry, life’s hard enough without bpd. I’m no expert, and considered a ‘non’ in the bpd world – but I’ve done a lot of homework, seemingly needing to do so just to get over my friend.
While searching for a therapist for her, not too close to her relatively small town but not as far as the nearest metro area, I found very few willing to deal with BPD. And from what I’ve read, they’d rather not.
My question; when considering all you’re up against, is it impossible to totally trust another person? Do you feel yourself such a poor judge of character that your current partner may in some way betray you? …maybe I shouldn’t say ‘feel,’ but ‘sincerely believe.’
I know it may sound stupid, or naive at best, but if life seemed too difficult, could you not turn your trust over to your mate? If I knew what I now know about bpd, and had the inner strength, to either trust, or stop fighting, I’d do my best to place my trust in another. Let them be your gage of reality, and yes, lean on them. Explain it, let them adsorb it, and judge as best you can by their reaction as if you’d be willing to let them help guide you through life, as needed.
I’ve about raised my two daughters, and was also on my own with them at the age of yours. They will test you – it’s your word against the world - and the world’s a lot bigger… But they’ve your core values, help them recognize those and explain to them how they developed within you. I’d also let them know what you’ve learned about BPD …and allow them to be on your side. Mine are wonderful and beautiful, though it will likely take decades for them to fully appreciate what I’ve instilled in them. That’s OK, it took me about the same.
You don’t need all the answers …and what I’m learning in a very difficult time in my life is few folks have them, as most have a shit-load of their own problems. As mentioned, life is tuff, and BPD undoubtedly makes it tougher. But, I’ve been reading a lot of stuff from current and former life partners of those with bpd …and they’ve loved you deeply – you appear to pick well. Many, I’ve been so impressed by I’ve printed out and will likely save their insight for years …with my daughters likely stumbling onto it after I’m gone.
Had mine only trusted me… Instead, she blew it up.
Never beat yourself up (Damnit). Live and learn. Learn whom and how to trust. If you can’t trust yourself, don’t – seek help. Be honest to those closest to you and they’ll love you all the more for it. Compete with no one – you’ll win by default! Your life can only be judged by how hard you tried, and it reads from here that you’re still trying, and that’s what counts. …and now I can’t remember what got me going here, other than my apparent terminal passion for those in need..? Thing is, sometimes I need, too, and those who mean the most to me are those who’ve been there when I’ve needed them, whether I’ve met them or not. (good work)
*Ash, I’m a moderator on another (unrelated) forum and we’ve been nearly crippled with aggressive non-stop foreign originated spam. I hope your members appreciate the magnitude of work it takes to keep a site like this up and running. I do - and thanks