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 Post subject: Greetings
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:59 am 
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Hello. I am 35 yr. old BPD male, diagnosed at age thirteen, but never given any viable lasting treatment or help. And rather resisting any attempts. My childhood was chaotic and unstable, resulting from my lack of coping skills and an alcoholic abusive father. My parents were divorced and seperated around ages 9-13 and I went with my father and my sister went with my mother and i never was able to develop a relationship with my mother or sister until recently. Some twenty years later. I started taking drugs at age twelve, and spent the next ten years in institution after institution, either in flight from them on the streets, taking as many drugs as I could, by whatever means necessary, or being arrested or found homeless as a teenager and being re-placed in the next one. My father was an alcoholic, (now in rcovery), and violent and abusive, so "home" was never a safe place when I was younger. My substance abuse also made for constant turmoil. Recovery centers, State schools, Group Homes, Runaway Shelters, State Hospitals, juvenile detention centers, Jails, halfway houses, and finally Prison, constitute most of my developmental years as a teenager. Being released from prison at age 20, I was placed in a halfway house, released on parole and was 'locked up' twice more for parole violations within the next four years. Four years later, I was off parole. During which I attended college eventually declaring a major in Philosophy but never graduating, my transcripts reading like the textbook case in Adult Children of Alcoholics. 113 Sem. hrs total, only 56 completed, the completed hours showing competence and good grades, however with constant breakdowns, I was never able to complete a degree. most of my experience with BPD as an adult manifests in my relationships. I have had three major relationships where the circumstances were nearly identical, and my reactions succesively worse each time. It always involves the termination of a relationship, the woman "being with" another man, and I meltdown. It has become next to impossible to reconstitue myself after the last one five months ago. While I can definitely detect this pattern in all of my 'major' committed relationships, the last manifestation has been the worst. I became unable to function, to work, I let everything collapse around me and I bolted. Left the stata I was living and working in, and came to Texas, where I have had friends and family, whom are all quite frustrated with my inability to 'pick myself up and move on' and their having to micromanage me to the point of not wanting much to do with me. The Woman I have been involved with for the past three years is also a NarcissisticBPD. I only recently discovered this. She was diagnosed too, at age thirteen, but has had no treatment as well. Finding this site and others has helped me understand her actions, which have obviously been the source of my obsessive depression, and has opened up a space of dialogue between us recently to move toward getting some help for this. I have been actively involved in Alcoholics Anonymous for the past five and a half months, which has been helping me maintain some constancy and balance. Drugs and alcohol for me have always been a symptom, if not a detrimental set of coping skills. The reaction I have to the deep rooted sense of abandonment and the cycle of depression is something hard to deal with. I have no money, and jobs in my life have always been menial, low-skilled, and sporadic and unstable terms of employment, so I am having a hard time finding any means or methods of treatment to begin to deal with it, if indeed this disorder is the cause of my situation. Anyway, I hope by posting here i can gain some insight into my behaviors, and gain the understanding that others relate to my situation so that I can get help.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 6:01 am 
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Hi Nat. Glad you're here. You seem to have a lot of insight into your illness.

You can start by reading the Tools here at the left side of the page. That will give you an idea of how BPDR works. Then feel free to post. You'll find we're all a caring group of people who want to help each other!

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