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 Post subject: First post - kinda urgent ? BPD
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:26 pm 
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Hello I got the BPD crap......bah.
I'm a 21 year old girl in Ontario Canada.

I feel like I'm losing my calm. I can't stop thinking about BPD. I even cried last night just from thinking about it.

Pretty much the reason I said urgent....is becuase my boyfriend and I are planning on moving out...just the 2 of us. We live with another couple....who calls me a 2 year old whiney baby :(

I always blow up at my boyfriend because of my fears of abandonment or BPD or whatever reason.....I always have done that and feel like I always will.
I throw tempertantrums I yell, cry, scream, throw things, kick and punch...... only when I'm in my BPD mode. Other than that I HATE violence !!! I'm a peace lover.....but i do these horrible things :(

All my relationship have been 1-1.5 years. We are at 1.5 years now so I'm nervous about moving out just the 2 of us.....because what if I want out?

I'm sorry if this sounds like relationship/moving issues rather than BPD....... but I feel the only reason we fight is because of my BPD.

I feel like if someone attatches to me.....they are auto-doomed to "hurt me" (from what i see with the BPD) example "no you don't wanna be with me becuase you're a nice guy....and I'll make you mean" :(

I don't want to move and then fight and cry and feel lonely and worry and.............. but it seems like that's all I do when I'm in a relationship....no matter who the guy is.

I'm not in therapy and don't know how to get help.
I don't like my doctor for no reason at all. He's such a nice guy.....i just feel like whenever I talk to him.....he doesn't listen. I don't even know what to say about this! all he does is listen and say "yup...mhmm....okay...." and then I leave like..... well that was pointless !

So I'm not in therapy...I'm not on meds....and I'm losing it and I don't want to be this horrible person I'm turning out to be.

I love happiness and all nice stuff and I'm turning into a wory wart.
and thats not me at all !!!! but now it is :(

I always felt like I'm gunna be crazy....ever since I was reallllly young (like 3 or 4) and now it's becoming a reality like it's pre programmed into me. And I feel like my whole life it's gunna get worse and worse :(

I don't even know what my question is....but..... yea. hi !


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:43 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 6:00 pm
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Hi Sparks,

It sounds like your emotions are all over the map. Life must feel pretty chaotic. You say you have a doctor, but not a therapist. Do you plan to get one? If you want to change the way you act and react toward others, you will need help to learn new patterns of behavior. I know it might feel hopeless right now, but you can become more functional and cope better with BPD with a little help from others and a lot of effort from you.


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