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 Post subject: looking for info in HPD - not BPD
PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:04 pm 
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Hi All,

First I want to apologize for bringing a topic up here on HPD, rather than BPD.

To introduce myself, I am a nonBPD. My dBPDxso and I began counseling last March/April. The joint counseling only lasted the first session as all hell broke loose that night.

From then, we each went individually. Within about 3-4 private sessions our T (I love to call him Mr.T -cause he's a hard ass for recovery) diagnosed her as BPD, he told me to buy the Eggshells book because it might help me to understand her, her illness, and our chaotic life a bit better - i was terribly depressed and just was starting to enter into my nervous breakdown era. But, he had to figure me out for a while.

Well, about 2-3 more session he told me I was HPD.

YUCK! I hated hearing that. I assume it's kinda like you guys might feel lilke when getting the news. It's made me feel shameful too. I'm over that now, I am getting better.

I've diagnosed as Histrionic (quite similar in "criteria" and some symptoms of BPD). In reading eggshells I though I pretty much fit the bill on a lot of it -BPD. But I don't. Lately I've learned a lot about me and of course I have learned more about BPD too. I have realized that though HPDs can be confused as being BPD we seem to handle the "reactions" and "feelings" differently. I actually think I can pretty much understand a lot of what goes on in my ex's mind. I wish she would get back with her treatment but she quit a couple of months ago :(

I hang-out on the "non's" website to deal with my exBPD issues but I can't find a place to fit for my HPD.

Nobody there has recommended anything to me either, though I haven't asked. I guess I feel more comfortable asking you guys.

So, do any of you know a good site for me to go to for me. Like you guys are doing for yourselves? It's not same at the bpdfamily for me to get what I am seeking. They are all about nons. They are even nons to HPD. So I feel awkward having to ry and deal with my own stuff.

I want to find a group of people like me. I know you and I are kinda close, but we're not...

thanks

bumpy


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:14 pm 
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Hi there. :) I don't know any recovery sites that deal specifically with HPD, but the tools used here (on the left hand side of the page) can be pretty much learned and used by anybody, regardless of Diagnosis. I don't have BPD either BTW, but find these tools useful at times. There are also plenty of other nons here too, working on themselves, using these tools. Maybe stick around and take a look?


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 Post subject: i can do it!
PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:23 pm 
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Hi Amanda and thanks.

Yeah, I have looked a bit at things on the site. In the non site I recommend to newbies with BPD to come over here. Before I did though I checked out the tools and such here.

I guess I'll call this home too. It's can only help right? and maybe I can help you guys somehow too.

bumpy

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:28 am 
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Hi, bumpy!

HPD & BPD aren't totally different, and like Amanda said, people here work on all kinds of issues. The commonality is that we're all working on recovery and getting better, and whatever your issues, you are welcome here!

I'm glad to hear you don't beat yourself up about your diagnoses, because that's a heavy burden to bear, isn't it? For me, the label BPD was paradoxically freeing because for years I had struggled under the misdiagnoses of bipolar and hadn't been getting any better. I was almost happy when I was told I had BPD because then I could tackle the problem and 2 years later, here I am, doing pretty dang good. :biggrin

As an aside - have you done any DBT? Dunno if it'd be helpful with HPD. BPDR is very much cognitive-therapy oriented and because it is, it produces real, lasting results. The Tools are especially useful - the 5 steps being among the best.

Anyway, welcome and glad to have you at BPDR. I'm sure we'll all profit from you being here!

Marni/ocean

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:24 am 
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Hi OcheanHeart,

I too was a bit relieved to have my "diagnosis" after I "accepted" it. Suddenly the pieces started to have a place to fall together.

I'm not in DBT but am in T and Mr T is using CBT with me. I was reading the "Feelings & Moods" thing in the "tools" and that applied to me. I am now having to learn that I have "many" feelings. More than I had thought or understood. Reading that made me realize that I have a lot to do.

I have a friend with a 6-7 yr old daughter. Often I thought he was being mean to her and I would always stick-up for her when he tried to discipline her or would "scold" her for seemingly little and silly things. I have realized in the past week or two that I was "identifying" with her. When she would sulk, pout, get mad, demand attention - all that and more- and he would "address" it. I thought he was being too harsh. Now I see that I was trying to defend someone "on my level" which btw is "on her level"

I have a lot of growth to experience as I learn to become, act, and "feel" the way people my age do (I'm 41 now). 41 and act like a 7 yr old, hmmm....

anyhow, thanks for welcoming me here. I'll stick around a bit and move to other areas on this board to find some learning/coping skills i hope.

bumpy

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 Post subject: bumpy's catchin on...
PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:12 pm 
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oceanheart wrote:
Anyway, welcome and glad to have you at BPDR. I'm sure we'll all profit from you being here!


I'm gonna tell you what guys....

I have been reading more and more around here and see that this site and much/most of you all have to say does fit with me or falls into my life.

I am sticking around for sure now. Honestly I was a bit :concerned: with it at first, but I see more and more the closeness my PD has to BPD. They say the two are very similar but I always looked at it from how my ex treated me. I didn't think I was that mean. But it's not about being mean. Its about being messed-up/confused on the inside. She was mean & I was crazy! Now I see i was entirely 50% of my relationship's problems. With her and with others.

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<a href="http://www.bumpyroad.org" target="new">Can you help us?</a>


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:39 pm 
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In the end, bump, it doesn't matter the label you - or others - slap on yourself, right? - it just matters if you try hard to get better, and I know you do. Accepting responsibility for your part in the mess of an unhealthy relationship (or in your life in general) can be very freeing...


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 Post subject: Re: bumpy's catchin on...
PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:49 pm 
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bumpy_road wrote:
But it's not about being mean. Its about being messed-up/confused on the inside. She was mean & I was crazy! Now I see i was entirely 50% of my relationship's problems. With her and with others.


Marni,

I agree - the labels dont matter as long as we want to get better from this point forward. That's all we can be concerned with anymore, right...

I alss use the descriptors :mean: and :crazy:
I think I should start to loose those too.

We were just us in our existing states and should not be judged as the people we can be based on this derogatory terms... Our actions may have seemed mean and crazy but that was the action, not the person.

bumpy

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<a href="http://www.bumpyroad.org" target="new">Can you help us?</a>


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