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I'm not accustomed to sharing these sort of feelings, so please bear with me.

Since I can remember, I have felt like a lost soul. Emptiness or feeling hollow has been a constant for most of my life. I have seen several therapists over 20 of my 27 years but have never felt like I could divulge my true self to any. My husband is a very kind and patient man but I fear that I will lose him because of my erratic behavior. I am guilty of starting pointless fights and even worse, getting violent. My hair-trigger temper is impossible to stop and my husband has been the recipient of some very cruel words (which deep down I do not mean). I break and throw objects when I'm angry and when we fight, I feel the need to get away from everything. Threats of divorce or hurting myself are sadly not uncommon. This is all so exhausting.

I want to get better. My husband and I talk about children but neither of us would want to bring someone into this world and subject them to my crazy ways.

This has been very difficult to compose, but it's only the very tip of the iceberg.

Thanks for listening.
Erin

Hi Erin and welcome -

Believe me, you're not alone. Many of us have experienced the same kinds of things. But it *is* possible to get better, and to learn to respond thoughtfully to situations like a disagreement with your husband, rather than to react with out-of-control rage and violence. It's not easy -- takes hard work -- but it is doable.

Check out our "Tools" -- in the box on the left -- for some techniques that a lot of us have found helpful.