BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I have read some of the post that non bpd people have left. they can be pretty nasty and cruel. I understand that we "people with bpd " do have issues, but if the nonbpd knew this going into the relationship then they should learn how to cope with it instead of saying all the negative crap about us with bpd.
I myself just found out I have bpd. My now exboyfriend wants to get back together. Im not ready yet. I need to learn more about bpd and learn better skills to deal with things. We use to fight a lot because Im a controle freak and I over think everything. He could be 5 min late and I would think he was either on the phone with someone who hes hidding from me or doing something else. I always needed to know were he was and what he was doing. When we get into a fight sometimes I would get into the rage. It scares me coming out of it and realizing what I had said or done. I hate that side of me, I hate that I do thing and say things on impulse. Like I told him to leave and not come back cause he was gone to long to the store. I hate the overwhelming feelings and worry. If he does not call or text I think he was gonna leave me or he was talking with his ex or something. Always got mad did not understand why he could not take 2 min to text me.
Im really scared now that I may never be in a relationship cause I know that I have a hard time with things. He says he will deal with them and as I learn coping skills I hope I become a better person. I just dont know If I should wait till I have been in therapy for awhile before I get back with him and part of me is unsure if I wanna get back with him.

I think taking time to make those discisions makes sense. Check out the tool box on the left side of this page, I think you will find that the five steps and twisted thinking pages really help me when I'm in that rage stage. (where is he, how dare he make me wait, etc.)

Welcome.

Good for you for considering your options rather than just going straight back into the relationship. That's a sign of growth right there.

I have stack and stacks of things that I have printed from the net from this web site and many other on skills to help deal with the issues that come from bpd. I am learning new stuff everyday but I know it gonna take a lot of work putting it into effect in situations. I wish there was an over night fix it or a pill that would take away the irrational thinking, the rage and the fears of abandonment. Theres not though. I can get into a dbt group 4 six months so Im doing day programs and trying to find a therapist that knows bpd and knows how to deal with people like us. Dont see the point waistn my time pouring my heart out to someone that has no clue about bpd and dont know how to help me. So its me doing my own research and learning on my own.
But as for the ex- I went to see him last night and gave him some reading material on bpd so he can get some knowledge of why I was the way I was and learn along with me as I also learn more about bpd and living my life with it. He is willing to learn. I know it will take time for both to really get a grasp on understanding bpd. It sucked having to leave him but I know for know just being friends with him is best cause I have rage issues and need to learn to get controle over that before jumping back into a relationship

RTL -

I am soo impressed with you wanting to work on yourself and not being in such a rush to return to your relationship!! It is, imo, easier to 'have someone' than to go it alone. And, even tho he may still be around, it is different to separate out the relationship from your daily life.

I wish you much luck as you travel this road. There are many people on this site who have made superb progress and it sounds as if you are on your way to being one.

Welcome !!

hi

i'm not BPD but i have HPD (kinda similar) and I have a LOT of comorbid traits of BPD. I am also a Non to my BPD ex. The best reading material I had to better understand her -from a non's point of view- was the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells". Since I have a similar PD, not only did many things in the book ring true about her, but they rang true about me too.

I agree with others that it is hard to do this alone. it seems easier to just 'have' someone there. I long for it. I long for the ex (even with her BPD) or one of my other ex's. I wish i had someone, but being alone and dealing with my problem alone and with my Therapist is best for me.

I dont have fights all the time and say and do all the hateful and hurtful stuff. My life is more calm alone so that is better for me to work on me.

I wish you luck in your healing.