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 Post subject: Help
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:53 pm 
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I think I'm boarderline. what do I do about it? I am in councling but I'm not confident that my therapist knows how to help me. I've got a lot of life problems and most of our sessions are focused on them. I am divorced and my ex is remarried. I don't know how to let go and don't know if I even want to. I am all alone. Everyone either hates me of is so uncomfortable around me that they don't want to be with me. The funny thing is that before I found out that my ex was sleeping with someone else I was doing fine. I was strong. I was growing learning changing and if I was boarderline then I didn't act out like I do now. I am scared. I am afraid that I will not survive this especially if I have to do it alone. I don't really want to bring anyone else into this mess that is me so it is either alone or to keep sleeping with my ex like I have been. But when I do that I feel bad about myself but I also feel good that She is getting some of her own medicine. She should have stayed out of my marriage.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:15 am 
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Have you talked to your counselor about your thoughts about borderline and your concerns about his/her ability to help you with the underlying issues rather than focusing on the surface symptoms?

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 8:04 pm 
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I talked to here today and we are going to work on a treatment plan tuesday.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:21 pm 
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What if,

I'm glad you have set-up a time to start to work on "the plan" with your T. That's awesome. I keep working with my T on my own plan. So much crap from the past keeps popping up that it looks like i may take a really long time -longer than most. guess what, that's okay. I mean, yeah it sucks that I can't fix it all to get better right away, but I am 41 now and am so sick and tired of living in all the chaos, fear and pain that I dont care how long it's gonna take... as long as we are doin' it and I can see some kind of light down there towards an end....

I hope you can find the same conviction in your own treatment. I really do.
It's hard, but its worth it.

as far as relationships and sex go........ ouch with the ex there...... i had to drop everything.... anything else became either a distraction for a very real cause of confusion. i hope you can get a handle on what's right for you there too.

take care, hang around, let us know what the "plan" is when you find out.

bumpy

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:08 pm 
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I have worked on a lot of stuff already but that was 12 years ago. I thought I was through. It really sucks that I am more messed up today then I ever have been. I was doing great (I thought) until my then husband told me "I'm sick of your shit get out of my house" those words ring in my ears so often. I wonder if I will ever be happy, or loved. I have worked so hard for it. I was with him for 17 years and the last few years the chaos was almost non existant. Then everything just blew up in my face and I have been deteriorating everyday. I do alright when I have other people around but when they leave I go nuts. I hate it so much. I just want to run but I have no where to go and no way to get there. I read a book the other day titled "Get me out of here" I was on every one of the pages in the first half of the book. I hate this part of my life soooo much I just wish I could die. So what happens if I do get though this then what will I get hit with next. I just want to scream.


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 Post subject: i hear you - all too welll
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:32 pm 
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What_If wrote:
So what happens if I do get though this then what will I get hit with next.


Whatif,

again I am sorry to hear of your pain and struggle. In understand how feelings like those can surface and kick us on our asses. I "hate" them too.

I have learned -for now- that I can't look down the road that far right now... to the next one.... this has been bothering me a bit recently too as I am 41 and kinda think I have shot any chance of have a regular kinda good life with someone.... i can't mes with that until i'm okay with me.


i, like you, had done a lot of work on myself years ago and stopped in 1991 when i moved cities. i thought i "was done" and "over and beyond" the crap I was dealing with...

i wasn't, it just stayed hidden in me and changed and manifested itself in new and worse way at time. that sucks also. but today I WONT GIVE UP.


I know how much it can suck to feel kinda like you do too in the midst of a sour relationship.... i hope that can smooth out for you.... you distress me with the "I just wish I could die" words though...

...i feel like that at times but am teaching myself to look at "that feeling" better and redefine it. i usually find it's just a whole lot of anger and rage and i feel out of control, or its a lot of shame or fear and that tears me down. it's not that i really wanna die though. thank God, for both of us. we are both still here and that's what counts. i hope you can fingure out some way to start reexamining "those feelings" - they can be terrfying.

anyhow, thanks for replying, i hope to see both you and I get better together on this board in in our own lives.


relax..... stay calm.... (i tell myself that all the time)

find at least some little bitty teeny tiny bit of peace... anything.. even just a piece of chocolate or a nice fruit drink. something to help you smile.

bumpy :thumbsup

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 7:21 pm 
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I may be changing theripist again. The last one was ok but once a week is just not enough and that's all she had to offer.

Yesterday was a great day (I thought) I was happy almost giddy because the state took my exs income tax check for back child support. I thought that it was that womans kids childsupport but he says that it was mine.

Funny thing is I thought he was paid up.

If the state sends it to me I will keep it. I feel that I deserve it because of all the problems he and her have caused me.


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