What_If wrote:
So what happens if I do get though this then what will I get hit with next.
Whatif,
again I am sorry to hear of your pain and struggle. In understand how feelings like those can surface and kick us on our asses. I "hate" them too.
I have learned -for now- that I can't look down the road that far right now... to the next one.... this has been bothering me a bit recently too as I am 41 and kinda think I have shot any chance of have a regular kinda good life with someone.... i can't mes with that until i'm okay with me.
i, like you, had done a lot of work on myself years ago and stopped in 1991 when i moved cities. i thought i "was done" and "over and beyond" the crap I was dealing with...
i wasn't, it just stayed hidden in me and changed and manifested itself in new and worse way at time. that sucks also. but today I WONT GIVE UP.
I know how much it can suck to feel kinda like you do too in the midst of a sour relationship.... i hope that can smooth out for you.... you distress me with the "I just wish I could die" words though...
...i feel like that at times but am teaching myself to look at "that feeling" better and redefine it. i usually find it's just a whole lot of anger and rage and i feel out of control, or its a lot of shame or fear and that tears me down. it's not that i really wanna die though. thank God, for both of us. we are both still here and that's what counts. i hope you can fingure out some way to start reexamining "those feelings" - they can be terrfying.
anyhow, thanks for replying, i hope to see both you and I get better together on this board in in our own lives.
relax..... stay calm.... (i tell myself that all the time)
find at least some little bitty teeny tiny bit of peace... anything.. even just a piece of chocolate or a nice fruit drink. something to help you smile.
bumpy :thumbsup