Hi, I just joined bpdfamily.com, too-- here's my "first post" from there:
Hi all,
My fiance of 2 years (together for 5+) and I have been going through a "dry" time (I say hard time). He and his mother (a therapist with BPD mother) and HIS therapist, all say I have BPD. I am skeptical, but this week had the worst breakdown so far as I moved out of our home, into my friend's, and back, all within 24 hours, which went along with crying, regret, emptiness, panic, and other emotions that I can't recall. The timing is characteristic of BPD (fiance was away for grad school interviews, I moved all of my things and didn't tell him I did until after his interview was over, last part not so BPD I think). He says it was manipulative, but honestly I thought it was better to do the whole thing when he was with his family so that he could have a support system. Yes, I was trying to get a reaction from him and I do recognize that I put myself in a crisis situation in order to get rescued.
I have been reading books (reluctantly-- I get too stressed) about BPD, the main reason being that my mother is DEFINITELY BPD [Understanding the Borderline Mother, and just bought another but can't remember the name. We own Walking on Eggshells but I haven't read it]. I have been in individual therapy for 5 years, mostly because of my upbringing (emotional neglect and abuse, physical abuse). I have asked my therapist if she thinks I have BPD, she says no. So again, I am skeptical, but I am trying this out. If nothing else hopefully my fiance and I can learn to communicate better.
So that's it sort of. I don't like this talking to strangers about personal life stuff, but I want to marry this man and I am out of options at this point.
Thanks,
AndEverythingNice
P.S. Here's some clarification:
Me: Panic Disorder. This therapist I have been with for over 2 years. The one before that was also 2 years (she was an intern and got a perm job out of state). I asked my T if I had BPD, she said no, but from what I am hearing/reading, the BPD is not always told. But I sincerely doubt that she withheld that info. Plus I am one of her first clients EVER, she is new/recent PsyD graduate, so maybe she doesn't know so much about it? Either way I like her a lot and she is supportive so whatever, it doesn't matter so much I think.
My Fiance: In a psychology program for career (full time student), in therapy with the same guy for 3+ years. He has PTSD. I have never met his therapist, but fiance just told me that his therapist told him not to talk about me "having" BPD because it is not helpful (ok....).
Fiance's "mom": not his biological mom, but the woman who is filling the mother role for him since his real mom passed away almost 7 years ago. She is 1/2 BPD because her mother was BPD. She will be referred to as his mom just because it's easier than saying "his kind-of mom" and then explaining that again and again. She is an MFT and says to me and to fiance that I have BPD. Usually I just brush her off if she mentions it.
Fiance's dad: real dad, he is Narcissistic PD. Not really in our lives.
My mom: BPD, diagnosed by me. She's a lot like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, you never know if you are friend or foe.
My dad: not sure what he has, but definitely emotionally absent. Authoritarian (NOT authoritative) Parenting.
My brother: Asperger's Syndrome and Major Depression (unofficially and also diagnosed by me)
Argh ok so that is my life more (or less) clear.
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