BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I have struggled with a very mild form of many of the symptoms listed for BPD almost all of my life. I have been prone to anxiety, to over-blown dramatics, my life has been rife with chaos, and very few relationships have remained close and stable for more than a few months.

It got increasingly worse over the past year or so, and then using some reading material I got and the support of someone very close to me, I got much better. Then I left the life I loved, and the person I loved and had supported and aided my recovery, and went back home, believing whatever my problem had been was cured.

I was wrong, I let my guard slip, I assured myself and others I was fine long after my loved one started telling me I was backsliding. And then suddenly I was facing the worst period of emotional instability I have ever known.

Today I finally accepted how bad it was and did some research. What I came up with scares me a little. A lot of medical professionals seem to agree BPD is serious, and there isn't much you can do besides control the symptoms.

Then I found this website. I have spent the better part of my day scrutinizing every part of it, reading all the tips and methods to controlling and maybe even overcoming this.

I am fully aware this site isn't intended as medical help, or anything near to professional counseling. That's fine with me. Few understand it, but until I have no choice, I will continue to treat myself, to research to read both what is out there for patients and for the doctors who treat them, and heal myself, if I can.

Though I have at times given in to momentary urges to self harm, and I have threatened to kill myself, I don't believe I am even close to actual suicidalism, so I am not a danger to myself. I can acknowledge I have too much to live for, and even at my darkest moments I cannot bring myself to break the hearts of my family, so I never seriously contemplate suicide.

The information provided on this site is succinct and powerful. And hopeful. Instead of being told I had a life of therapy to maintain functonality ahead of me, here I find things *I* can do to improve my quality of life. Already today, a difficult day for me as I have been back with my loved one, with Josh, and am leaving tomorrow, I have been applying things I learned here to how I am coping with my distress. And its different than anything I've ever tried before.

So, thats where I am. I hope to be both educated by others, and support to others here.

Hi ShadowChaser, and welcome. Your writing is very emotive. You seem to have a good sense of what's going on with you. That's a place a lot of people don't even reach. I'm glad you've found some hope in the materials on this site. I look forward to reading more from you!

Trin