BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I went to bdpfamily not knowing it was for non bpd and this is what I posted:
hi, this is my first post...I am 21 with bpd. I was diagnosed a few years back. i didn't really care then I was just nuts but this last year I've bought books (5 now) to try and help me understand myself. I was forced to go to therapy by my parents(thy where inches to sending me away and when I found that out I flipped even more), which I hated, I finnally stopped going after a short time and I also stopped tring to find the right meds around the same time also, I hated what they did to me. I decicded it was mind over matter and I would just try and deal with it my own way with my boyfriend at my side. He is the one that has helped me the most. he is now my husbad, married 6 months now. He is the reason I stopped cutting myself. I have been basicly clean of that for..4 years I think aside from a few straches that I don't count b/c i didn't drip blood. I feel like I just hold back my emotions now and bottle them up and will one day freak out. I never use to do that I was just lash out at anything that upset me but when I don't I am proud of myself but at the same time those emotions are still there, they don't spill out with my insane pain any longer they are just stuck. when I do get into a mood I usually just have a drink, smoke a few cigs and go to bed or just have more drinks and smoke thinking not so good thoughts. most of the time I try to go to bed and hope I will wake up in a better mood. I have been with my husband for over 5 years now but I have lots of thoughts of other men in my live and what it would be like to be with them and not him, and then I feel horrible. I have had dreams of sleeping with them as will and this happened last night and I am quit freaked out by it...there is so much to say I don't even know where to go with it....my insane pain as I like to call it nevers goes away I want to do it so much, I belive this is why I picked up smoking to repress the erge. thats all for the day I don't know what else to say

this is what I was told: so I can here
Hi 21...

Well, it is a very good thing that you have a diagnosis and you know you have problems... you aren't blaming everybody else.

But you still have a long way to go! DBT is the most effective treatment to date for someone with bpd, so you may want to seek out therapists who aim you in that direction.

I'm going to be frank and suggest that you get a therapist you like to work with you.. You are leaning on your husband wayy too much and that's going to be problematic somewhere along the line.

This particular board is for nons, many of who have been significantly hurt by the bpd person in their lives. The best forum for you is http://www.bpdrecovery.com , a site established by and for those who have bpd who are intent on recovering. I wish you the best.. the younger you are when you start dealing with this disorder, the better the outcome.

Welcome to BPDR! I went through DBT and found it to be extremely helpful. Some therapists use CBT, another kind of therapy. BPDR offers a set of tools, which you can look at in the Tools box at left. That's what we're about here -- working our recoveries.

I look forward to seeing you post around here.

jim

Hi! I understand your mind over matter philosophy, insanepain, because I feel somewhat the same way. It's good you've come here, this place has at least helped me tremendously, and hopefully it can help you, too. If you apply the things you learn here.

Bottling the emotions up is better than just letting rip with everything, but at the same time, it leaves you very miserable, and as you said, you may blow at some point, and just lose all control.

It's better to try and face these problems, "untwist" them, as one method on this website goes into some detail about, and come to terms with the reality behind all the irrational thoughts you are having.

Good luck, and if there's anything I can do, let me know.

Hiya, IP! (Your profile says you're in MT - I'm waving at you from CO!)

Meanwhile, I'm glad you found this place. I'm glad you have stability in your life with your husband. I'm hopeful that you find value and support with a recovery focus here at BPDR and that you're able to move from "the insane pain" into a place of healthy, happy living.

FWIW, my guess (based on personal experience) is that the fantasy of other men might be a way to fill an internal void -- that if some other guys find you attractive enough to have sex with then you're a valuable & worthwhile person. The problem with that is (again, speaking from experience) that the external validation of attractiveness and worth is fleeting. Once he gets out of bed or goes home or drops you off, the void is still there. (That can lead to finding another person to fill that void. Lather, rinse, repeat.)

Until you're able to self-validate and believe that you are, your Genuine Self, is truly worthwhile and valuable, until you're able to fill that void from inside yourself, nothing and no one will make you happy. Other men, cigarettes, physical pain will all temporarily mask the void, get you to think about other things, distract you.

I hope you'll be able to find your inner POSITIVE voice that knows and firmly believes in all that you have to offer, all that you bring to the table, how wonderful and special you really are.