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 Post subject: Isolating and lonely
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 6:16 am 
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Hi, all. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2001. Since then, the diagnosis has changed to dysthymia with major depressive episodes. Not that I was sorry to lose the BPD label, but I hate being called dysthymic, because what I have doesn't feel like just a "mild form of chronic depression."

I'm in my fourties now, and have struggled with depression for most of my life. I get better for a few years, then I'm back in the pit for a few years. I get tired of trying because it just seems pointless. However, I'm here, so I guess that means I still have some hope left.

I called myself Hermitess because over the years I've completely isolated myself. I now interact only with family and therapists. I'm lonely but unable to reach out. When I try and get slapped down (sometimes the slap down is in my mind only), I burrow deeper into my hole. I'm hoping to interact with like-minded individuals (Hermits United!) and maybe learn how to overcome this.


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 Post subject: Re: Isolating and lonely
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:21 am 
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Hi Hermitess. I'm glad you came here. That shows you want to reach out to others. I hope we can become your friends!

I too have a diagnosis of dysthymia. But I also have Major Depression. So I'm usually mildly depressed most of the time, but go into major depression every year or so. Has your doctor ever told you that you have major depression?

I hope you can use the tools here. Perhaps they can help you to overcome some of your reticence in being with people. Once you learn the tools, you can overcome some of the difficulties you have relating to people. That would help you make friends and not be a "hermit" anymore. Being with people helps relieve us from some of our depression, you know. I hope you can begin to do this!

Glad you're here!!!!

:welcome

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 Post subject: Re: Isolating and lonely
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:35 am 
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Hi and welcome!

I guess I would probably fall into the "dysthymia with recurrent episodes of Major Depression" bucket too, and some of the depressions have been MAJOR. But I also seem to have some pretty intense social anxiety issues going on, which it seems like you might be experiencing as well. I have isolated pretty badly over the years, but between the loneliness that I feel and the fact that my T and pdoc (therapist and psychiatrist) never quit pushing me to get out more, I keep trying to stick my toe out my door.

What has helped me is belonging to a church. There are times when I'm totally uncertain whether God even exists, so I feel like a hypocrite being there, or I feel utterly unworthy of being in the company of the other people there because I'm so defective, but I've been able to hang in there and get there when I can, and ever so gradually it's gotten a little bit easier. Fortunately the denomination I belong to is pretty open and non-judgmental for the most part. That doesn't mean that I don't FEEL judged, because I have to fight that all the time, but in reality that's mostly in my mind and not reality.

You may not be religious at all, so joining a church may be out of the question for you, but do you have any other interests at all? Hobbies? Art? Photography? Maybe you could find a club or a class somewhere. There is an "adult ed" program where I live where there are classes on all sorts of things in the afternoons and evenings in the local high schools. I bit the bullet and signed up for a computer class last year, and I was petrified when I went the first time. I didn't end up learning all that much because the class was all about PCs and I have a Mac, but I stuck with it anyway, and most of the other people there were even more clueless than I was. I didn't end up really getting to know anybody there, but the experience was good for me anyway.

I hope that in time you can find just one thing you'd be willing to try that will get you out with other people a little. But in the meantime, hang out here. There are a lot of good people around, and maybe reaching out a little here in cyberspace will help you do the same in 3-D.

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I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


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 Post subject: Re: Isolating and lonely
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 2:45 pm 
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Bordergirl wrote:
So I'm usually mildly depressed most of the time, but go into major depression every year or so. Has your doctor ever told you that you have major depression?

Yup. Actually, your description fits me exactly.

Bordergirl wrote:
I hope you can use the tools here. Perhaps they can help you to overcome some of your reticence in being with people. Once you learn the tools, you can overcome some of the difficulties you have relating to people.

I used to use similar tools, but I've fallen away from it, which I think happens so slowly that you don't even realize it. I'm glad to have a place, here, to try again.

Bordergirl wrote:
Being with people helps relieve us from some of our depression, you know.

It's helped before, but after a while I seem to get overloaded and burnt out, then I'm afraid to try again. Sorry, I'm not trying to make a lot of excuses, just telling you where I'm at right now. But yes, you're absolutely right. I have to overcome the fear.

Bordergirl wrote:
Glad you're here!!!!

:welcome

Thank you. I really appreciate the welcome. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Isolating and lonely
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 2:53 pm 
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Sari wrote:
Hi and welcome!

Thank you. :)

Sari wrote:
But I also seem to have some pretty intense social anxiety issues going on, which it seems like you might be experiencing as well.

I guess I hadn't thought of it that way, but yeah, that makes sense.

Sari wrote:
I didn't end up really getting to know anybody there, but the experience was good for me anyway.

I've done sort-of similar things in the past, and they were good for me at the time. I don't know why I can't make myself do them again. Sorry, I sound so defeatist here -- your idea is a very good one.

Sari wrote:
I hope that in time you can find just one thing you'd be willing to try that will get you out with other people a little. But in the meantime, hang out here. There are a lot of good people around, and maybe reaching out a little here in cyberspace will help you do the same in 3-D.

I hope so. Thanks so much for your reply. :)


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