BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hello. I am a creature. I am 29 years old, and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As the symptoms of bipolar improve with medication, I've been left with a lot of ugly thoughts and behaviors and obsessions that seem to be ME - not the chemical problem of bipolar. My therapist says that I'm okay... that I just have things to work on... she doesn't believe that BPD is an incurable diagnosis or a life sentence or any of that, but she does see the signs.

But I've heard other people say that BPD is the worst thing ever. I am aware that people don't want to be friends with someone with BPD.

My problems are mostly around rejection and being criticized. When I'm feeling really bad, I review over and over anything bad that anyone has ever said about me. It's hard to stop obsessing on it, especially when I know they're right, that I am unpredictable and people are nervous around me sometimes, and that I can't be trusted.

I believe deep down I'm a very sweet and loving person. In fact I believe that everyone has a dear beautiful soul (or I want to believe that!) I have times when I feel optimistic. I consider myself recovering, but it's hard to trust myself or anyone else ... and hard to believe that being loving and sweet is worth it. A lot of the time I'm afraid that people will find out that I'm actually really crazy.

Wow that was a lot of information... hope that's okay. Hi everyone.

hi! your nickname caught my eye, and my daughter is also bipolar. i have been living with her in crisis for almost a year now.

welcome and i do hope you keep on working on you! you arent a creature, unless its a beautiful, worthwhile gorgoeus one. someday you will believe that.

bpd is not the worst thing ever. death is. i have come a long way in 4 yrs..never quit trying!

damn, i hate being criticized. i call it judging someone and i have had to do a lot of work with that. sometimes we learn the most from the bad stuff. be sure to check out the tools and read around the board to get a idea about all of us. this place has helped me more than i could ever describe to anyone.

Welcome Creature! And yeah, sharing all that is okay. That's what the board is here for! I can relate to the rejection and criticism issues. BPD isn't the worse thing ever, especially if you recognize you have it and really work on changing the behaviors.

I wish you the best!

Don't feel guilty for reacting the way that you do. Your MO for self preservation started a long time ago, probably because you had a good reason to react defensively to criticism. At my last job, which I recently quit after a complete breakdown, I would cry every time the supervisor said anything contrary about my performance. Can you imagine how embarrassing that was? I was brutally verbally abused growing up while living in an unstable household with a mother that was probably borderline herself.

I don't know your past, but there has to be something that happened in your life that was not your fault that brought you to this point. Now is the time to heal, not to obsess. Moving forward you can be aware and try to make better choices. If your friends don't want you because you have BPD, make new friends! (and don't tell them about BPD, they don't have to know anything about your psychological history until later on when you're closer to them and it's relevant for them to know) Make a promise to yourself to try hard to break old habits, seek therapy and find some joy. I also have a diagnosis of cyclothymia so I can relate somewhat to your Bipolar experience.

Be strong! I'm sending you waves of green healing light. (you're supposed to visualize the green healing light in your mind which I am sending you as you read this) It's going to get better now.

xoxo

Welcome welcome welcome CREATURE!

actually, i found learning what was wrong with me enlightening and relieving. i wasnt "just crazy" or just a bad person. i could change it all and be how i wanted to be. ibf shared a great link on changing habits.

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome!

I'm looking forward to positive and helpful interactions and growth..