BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hello

I'm almost 33 years old(male, i guess its important). and I just discovered I'm BPD, because I had a mirror in front in me - a BPD partner (now ex).

I'm taking this one step at a day, but the new insights give me strength, although there is plenty of new insecurity too.

I'm looking for some sort of way to deal with it. some sort of exercise to write or do every day, or read. I don't want to think about it all the time like I do now. the process of taking responsibility was very painful and involved a lot of guilt and feeling the victim again. but I hold on to forgiveness- to myself and to others.

Its essentially like choosing to grow up. oversimplified but so true. I decided that if I want to enjoy adult life to its fullest I must do it. at age 33 almost is a little funny to think about it but when I recognize what I've been through it's very clear. my attempts at coping and struggles had given me an awareness that I am very thankful for,

A little review of my history - I barely remember my childhood because of dissociation (no memories before 9, very few until 18). I grew up very neglected and as a result was also a social outcast. I kept telling myself it came out for the better and that I'm over it, but it was very untrue as my relationship and interpersonal skills were horrible.

luckily I fell in love with a girl very similar to me, and after breaking up, thinking about all the patterns she had I had an a-ha moment - this is me.

It sinking in slowly, but there is an anxiety about what should be done.

Me.

I wanted to add that it feels really lonely. I don't know of anyone in my situation that has decided to change. I know a lot of people with personality disorders who hasn't.

Also... I'm realizing I'll probabaly need an ex BPD as my partner. I'll never be rally normal, and I want someone who can relate, and also has the good sides of BPD which I also have. and this makes me want to get back to my ex and "tell her of all those things I now know". I know this is not right.

PPS

I'm from Israel, if this matters

welcome. i hope you find good help here. its a long road but it can be done. if i can, anyone can..lol.

i dont know many who has decided to recover either...not in real life. im sure they are there but dont wear a shirt advertising it.

i dont know what you mean by "looking for a way to deal with IT"? it meaning? deal-- meaning?

you have to think every day and conciously work on the changes. changes in how we think, behave, and feel. no way around that one. its the only way to replace old habits with new healthy ones.

good insight, it is pretty much growing up. not letting our inner child run us, but finding the adult to do it and reparenting the child to feel safe.

what is your anxiety about "things need to be done"?

Hi. Welcome here. I was diagnosed with BPD at the "ripe old age" of 54. So I spent most of my life with this problem but not knowing there was a name for it. But I'm learning a lot from a wonderful therapist, great psychiatrist, and the wonderful people here at BPDR.

Do you see a therapist? If not, I suggest you look for one. They really can help us with BPD. Also, are you on any medication? That also helps me a lot!

I've been to Israel a few years ago. I loved the country. I was just telling my husband today that I want to go back and take him with me! It is a beautiful, fabulous country!!!!

Read the Tools on the left side of the page here. They can also help you. Plus we're here to help too! Glad you're here!

ripe? hmm, so im 55.....thumps stomach*

yep, im ripe.

lol. (couldnt resist...)

thanks for the welcome both of you.

By things need to be done I mean that I want to change, but don't know how yet. I have ideas but... I'm very impatient, a trait left from the past. I don't sleep at nights because I think about my life and what i need to do. I also think a lot about telling my ex all of this, which is not what I need right now.

I don't trust psychologists at all. my sister, who is one herself told me its a trait that comes with fear of abandonment. as a BPD I rather s[pill my guts to every person I see than to someone qualified.

also(and as you can see) this brings about a lot of insecurity right now and rethinking everything that I do, which is tiring.

I know it's hard for you to trust someone, but it really would help you to see a psychologist or some sort of therapist. It would be best for you to find someone who has experience treating people with BPD. I found a wonderful therapist and he has changed my life. It took me a while to trust him, and I'm still working on that. But it's necessary in order to heal. Sometimes we have to push ourselves to do what is best for us! I hope you can take this step!