BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Good evening to everyone. This is my first post on this site so I will tell everyone a little bit about me. I am a 36 year old male that was diagnosed with BPD late last year and am working towards overcoming BPD and general depression. As is probably the case with a lot of people, my spouse of five years reached a tipping point last year. Without going into great detail she starting to grow attached to a male online and when I found out she started to unload about all of our problems and indicate that divorce might be an option.

This through me into a deep depression that I battled for several months. All I can say is that I knew it was bad when the World Series and football no longer interested me. I found great solace in joining a church and was even baptized this past Spring. My wife came for a visit in the Spring (she is deployed with the military) and things went pretty well. She even came to all of my therapy sessions with me.

However, I think I am starting to freak out about her coming home in a few months and my mind is starting to fall into its usual BPD patterns. I cannot shake the feeling that she is coming home just to divorce me and take our child far, far away from me. Part of me wants to believe that we are stronger and take solace in the fact that she said she would not leave me. The other part of me wants to believe that she is setting me up for a great fall and that I should act "First" so that the pain is lessened. My spouse has started to grow distant from me and does not really email me or call me that much. It is likely that I am pushing her away with all of my insecurities and constant questions about her intent in the relationship. Just today I could not get past her asking for the license plate number of our two vehicles and when both of their registrations would expire. I gave her the information but asked her what it was for. She told me for some military document she had to fill out. My mind raced to the conclusion that she was lying and that she was likely filling out a divorce document.

The hardest part for me right now is to turn off my internal mind and use Radical Acceptance. I am currently reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and my therapist has me doing a DBT workbook. That is it for now and if anyone has anything they would like to respond to me about I welcome the feedback.

welcome comedic, i wish you the best.