BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I'm not sure I belong here. I have been diagnosed with BPD by three different professionals in the past two years. I am 48 years old, so I managed to make it to the age of 46 without ever hearing these words connected to myself. This makes me doubtful.

I have done a fair bit of reading about this disorder, and it is hard for me to see myself in most descriptions. I do have a lot of the 'symptoms', but many of them (substance abuse, eating disorders,. self-harm, depression) are linked with other diagnoses as well. The things that I don't relate to at all are all the rage, and the 'chaotic' relationships.

I have become aware lately that I have a lot of buried anger, and I do have trouble maintaining friendships, but not because I get angry and drive people away. I just tend to isolate myself, especially when I am depressed. And I am lacking some kind of circuitry for understanding how to 'do' friendships. I have always tied this to the fact that I was kept from having friends as a child, and so never learned how to do so.

Well, anyhow, any feedback is welcome, perhaps I am just a variation on the theme. Three diagnoses does carry some weight I guess...I dunno!

Well, this place doesn't require a diagnosis for being here, nor does it require believing one has BPD. It does require a desire and willingness to work on oneself for better mental health for happy, healthy living. Which, based on your one post, I get the impression you have.

Hi there,
I agree with Ellen, the dx is not really the thing to focus on. It is the desire to make changes and like my psychology professor always hammered into us: no matter what it is, when it causes you to suffer, to feel pain, it is a problem. The name doesn't matter.

Until about 2 years ago, I did not even know that my pain had a name, never heard of BPD until I went back to college. And I am 51 years old so you can see that it took me and the many ts I went to see a long time to come up with an explanation! The name itself only developed cause the experts did not really know how to call this disorder and the signs and symptoms are overlapping with other PDs. I don't fit all the DSM IV criteria either but never the less, the dx was right. I was treated for many years for depression, nobody ever assessed me for anxiety or BPD. And every disorder has many faces and everyone is dealing with it differently. It's not like other mental conditions that are way easier to identify.

So welcome aboard and hopefully you find some good whatever on the board! Fire away with whatever is on your mind.

Birgit

It took over twenty years for me to get the correct diagnosis and all the t's finally settled on bpd. Before that, I had been given every diagnosis known to man which was very frustrating. I am here for the same reason as you..just to find people who I can talk to who understand..that in itself is a big thing to me. Most people know nothing about this illness so websites such as this can be very helpful. I am hoping to make some good friends here and I know you will too. Nice to meet you.

Thanks for the welcoming replies. I think my therapist had it right when she said I left a lot of previous therapies before it could become apparent how "injured and vulnerable" I am. In my own words, I would say I have spent my whole life trying to compensate for and hide the fact that I seem to be very damaged in some way. So I guess it can't hurt to hang about here and see what I can learn!

Goodness, Sparky. Just 20 years to get a diagnosis? Were you on the fast track or something? Took 'em 43 to get a clue about my BPD. So you and Northof have an abundance of "healthy happy living" to enjoy when your recovery work is paying off.

Northof, I'm an 18 year sourdough and the last 8 of those was a loyal Homerhoid. I'd trade to come back in a heartbeat. But there are limits on what helpers know and can do there. You may have to keep digging and count on your own research more than in most places. I'm sure that's one of the reasons mine went undiagnosed those 18 years. Nobody there knew what the heck BPD was!!!

As for whether or not the diagnosis "fits".. I'm of the school that says if it's broke, fix it and worry about the name later. If you have behavior patterns that are causing yourself and others pain, why not invest some work in developing behavior and thought patterns that result in far more healthy and happy days?

Have you read "256 shades of BPD" here? Very brief, with a nice link to the DSM criteria... http://www.bpdrecovery.com/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=8l

My T and I went back and forth on whether or not my behavior pattens "fit" the diagnostic criteria for nearly a year. Finally I gave up and just put all my energy into doing the recovery work. It worked. Since then, I've learned that there can be some pretty subtle forms of the more dramatic behavior patterns we see in diagnostic literature. For example, the "pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships" can refer to many kinds of relationships, not just family. Work relationships, friends, church activities.. these are all places where that behavior pattern can come into play. Hell, you even see it in online groups.. certainly we see it here quite often, which should come as no surprise. That's also one of the reasons this is such a great place for learning and recovery. A wealth of all kinds of material,literally at our fingertips. Finally, BPD behavior patterns can be much more subtle than threatening to leave and name calling, while being every bit as hurtful.

So, I'm guessing that doing some work here can't hurt you any, and it could have some nice benefits. And as they yell up and down the river all day and night about now.... "fish on". Just drag that ol' 40 pounder up onto the gravel and get the smoker fired up.

I have no idea what a sourdough is...and the rest of the above is iincomprehensible as well. Am I missing something here??



Pain is about all I know, and I spend most of my time out of touch with myself to avoid feelling that. Anything that will help is worth a try