BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi All -
So I guess I'll just dive in and see if this outlet furthers my recovery efforts. I'm 23 female, officially diagnosed BPD at the age of 21, but have been in therapy and couseling since I was 13. Growing up and through my teenage years especially I had uncontrollable mood swings, self loathing, self-mutilation (mainly cutting on my upper thighs), and had attempted suicide 3 times by the age of 20. Since being diagnosed I have done everything in my power to educate myself on this disorder in an effort to "get better". About a year ago I finally got to the point when I realized that I needed real help, not just a therapist every other week, and admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital in which I was kept inpatient for 2 weeks. It was the best decision I've ever made. Since my release I have had a couple relapses, but have felt myself growing more and more in control of myself. The biggest setback was being "dumped" by my former therapist of 2 years when she just couldn't handle treating my disorder anymore. That was about 6 months ago and I've finally made the decision to go back to therapy at the end of this month with a new doctor. As hard as it is for me to open up and get close to yet another doctor, I know it's the only way I'm going to recover. My question to all of you is, what types of therapy are you trying and what seems to be the most effective for you? I know everyone has an individual case and treatments that may work for one person could very well not work on another. But at this point I'll try anything. I feel I'm just about half-way there, I've learned to control my outburts more often than not, I haven't self injured in months, but I do still have problems with controlling my rage and sucidal ideation, even though I wouldn't act on it at this point in my life. I have deep suspisions that my mother is BPD as well, she fits all the criteria but refuses help, she doesn't "believe" in psych meds or therapy. My biggest issue is that I want to have children in the next couple of years and I don't want my children to have to deal with the unstable upbringing that comes along with having a BPD parent. I guess I'm rambling, but I would really like to reach out and speak with others on their way to recovery, I'm tired of this controlling my life and actions as I'm sure many of you can relate.

STD,

Welcome!! Have a look around the site, and feel free to post wherever and whenever you choose. Glad you found us.

cosmo

Thanks for the welcome! I'm kinda hoping the abbreviation STD doesn't stick though, lol! How about S2D?

Sleep2Dream,

LOL, So sorry about that one!! Yeah, S2D is better, lol. Not really up on the abbreviations for the internet, I guess.

cosmo

Haha, it's okay! I just didn't want to be known as STD for the remainder of my time on these boards, lol. Not exactly a complimenting nickname! BTW, your cats in your pic are adorable.

LOL, no, I wouldn't either!

Thanks, yeah, they are pretty adorable, lol....Cosmo and Little Mo.

cosmo

Cats are the one thing in this world that can completely change my mood in seconds from bad/depressed/angry to calm. I don't know why but I think it has something to do with growing up with cats. When I was a kid my cats always slept in bed with me, it always comforted me. I have 4 now and I do volunteer work at a no kill cat shelter 3 days a week. (yes, I'm the crazy cat lady, lol!). And whoever says animals don't know emotion are ignorant. My one boy (I have 3 girls and 1 boy) always comes to me if I cry. Even if I'm crying during a movie, he comes and sits in my lap and loves on me until I stop. My little prince charming always brightens my moods :-)

S2D,

Hey, I'm a "crazy cat lady" too, lol. I've taken care of feral and stray cats in my neighborhood for years....takes me about 5 seconds to fall in love with a cat, lol. To me, they are pure magic, and I would love to have 4....I envy you!

Yep, my Cosmo does the same thing when he knows something isn't "right" which, on some days, can be a good bit of the time, lol. He came from a no kill shelter and is very "normal"....Little Mo on the other hand had been lost or abandoned, and she is now "emotionally disturbed". She takes an antidepressant at night, but it words beautifully.

I think they help keep me "together" better than any medication could ever do.

cosmo

That's so funny, I thought I was the only person who had a cats with emotional issues. One of my girls, Missy, who was a rescue, has kitty anxiety apparently. She gets so upset over change of the slightest thing that she'll hiss so hard she throws up and basically turns into a different animal. The vet gave me some "kitty valium" for her. We don't use it often though, last time was when I took our long hair to be shaved for the summer Missy didn't recongnize her and actually attacked her so she had to be sedated when we were at work.
I hear you about them keeping you "together". I can't tell you how many times those little guys have actually saved me from myself. Any suicidal thought would be squashed once I thought about who would take care of them when I'm gone. During my hospitalization, I kept pictures of them near my bed. Corny I know, but at the time I was single and they were all I had to go home to...
Anyways, they truely are the best medicine and I would love to have even more but my boyfriend says that 4 is enough until we buy a house... then I'll have a zoo!

My cat always comes to me if I cry, too. She can definitely tell I'm upset and wants to comfort me. Or perhaps she just sees it's a good opportunity for a cuddle! I wouldn't be without cats.

S2D,

Wow!! and I thought mine was goofy, lol. Little Mo acts like she is in heat...has even had exploratory surgery to eliminate the possibility of ovarian tissue remaining. I've cut the AD in half, and I've been giving her homeopathic drops with it, and together they have produced a "normal" cat.

I don't think it was corny to have the pics of your "kids" with you at all. Know what you mean about those suicidal thoughts...and who would take care of them. My boyfriend is also an animal person, but particularly fond of cats. There's no way I could be with someone who didn't love animals, lol.

In answer to your question in your opening post, I have not had any therapy since 1980...no meds either. I have read as much as possible on bpd, that alone helping immensely.
I have also gained an awful lot of insight from coming here....lots of wonderful, intelligent people.

S2D, I hope you will like it here too.

cosmo

Hi Echo and thanks for the welcome!

Cosmo - thanks for the insight into your treatment. I've been doing the same since I've been diagnosed. I've read books, articles, anything I can get my hands on to understand BPD and it honestly has been like a form of therapy. Also, the fact that I'm FINALLY in a healthy, loving, supportive relationship helps immensely... and he's an animal person too!