do you allow for diversity?
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Author:  skiotter [ Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:35 am ]
Post subject:  do you allow for diversity?

hi. i'm starting to feel like there are "post police" on this board. but people with these issues don't always follow the rules....especially when they are first beginning recovery. i wish there was a little more tolerance for people's inability to follow the rules precisely....and allow them to explore their own path without "us" getting emotionally involved. i find it an interruption of the natural flow of conversation for people to "hound" others for semantics, for their inability to look inwards, and their tendency to drift away from what may be the original intent of a post.....as thoughts are clearly evolutionary (as is language).

can we get a little tolerance here?

this board is excellent. i have to say that....because it is truly how i feel. i don't want ash or anyone else to think otherwise. i just want to see if we can make it a little better.

Author:  sadgirl66 [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: do you allow for diversity?

Hmmm- you are certainly right that people like us, with these issues have a greater tendency to have a hard time not getting all caught up in something said on here, being reactive, etc.

My experience has been pretty good so far - even though I ramble, and perhaps do a little accidental "post jacking" along the way- which you are right, generaly comes from the nature of language and how people process as they write- but I haven't had any run ins with the "police" yet.

Last year, I offended another member in one of my postings, and it actually turned out to a good opportunity for us to practice the tools , and we worked it out.

So, I am sorry that you have had or witnessed this kind of intolerance, etc. I guess when you get a bunch of people that are struggling with their "stuff" together in one place, it is bound to happen. However, I have seen/experienced way more bad behavior on forums I go to for various hobbies of mine- so perhaps if anything, it makes us more aware of being on "good" behavior- and like I said, good opportunity to practice. Have you tried PMing anyone that was specifically intolerant?

Author:  skiotter [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: do you allow for diversity?

sadgirl66 wrote:
Last year, I offended another member in one of my postings, and it actually turned out to a good opportunity for us to practice the tools , and we worked it out.

that's what i'm talking about....being open to other people.....no matter what! none of us are here as professionals....as far as i know......we are all here to learn. i've learned a lot by reading and writing here on bpdrecovery. i've never been involved in any other type of internet board so i have no idea what other boards are like....

I'm glad you've had good experiences here sadgirl.....I have too. I love this board and am very grateful for its existence.

Author:  Ash [ Fri Aug 14, 2009 10:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: do you allow for diversity?

We do allow for "diversity" as you call it. We don't kick people out for making honest mistakes. We don't exclude people who are NONs (or "don't have BPD.") We do, however, ask that everyone is focused on recovery and working earnestly toward healthy, happy living.

BPDR is also founded - in large part - on Don Miguel Ruiz's "Four Agreements" work in which we strive to "Be impeccable with our words." Being precise and careful with our words helps our recovery efforts as we become more aware of our thought processes, the impact of our words & actions on the world around us and so forth.

If you are experiencing something that you might deem "excessive nit-picking" or unfair treatment, you are always welcome to use the "Report Post" option. The button is located inside each and every post put on BPDR forums and you will have a chance to explain why you find the person's words inappropriate, approach offensive or content troubling.

Lastly, I want to say that I do recognize that recovery cannot be linear. (That is to say: you can't say "first do A, then do B, then do C, then you're all fixed!") There are a lot of shades of grey during the recovery process. Some folks are brand new to the idea of what Borderline Personality Disorder is all about and may not be fully committed yet to the process of recovery. Others have made significant progress but still face the occasional stumble along the journey.

The intent of a post cannot necessarily be quantified. As you pointed out, Ski Otter, things are evolutionary. Sure, some folks get lost in the weeds and chase things down rabbit holes but that's where the tolerance you're asking for can come into play. If they're not addressing the items you want, can you ignore them and stay focused on your own goals?

You've said it feels like there are "post police" on the board but how is that different from the expectation that people stay on-track with the original intent of a thread, behave in a specific way, etc.?

I'm not trying to pick on you or hound you or get into an issue of semantics. I'm suggesting that there may be an opportunity for introspection (or looking inwards) here for you.

We cannot control the thoughts or actions of others. The only sphere of influence and control we have is over ourselves.

Maya Angelou wrote:
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

From A Complaint Free World.org
Ghandi wrote:
Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Author:  skiotter [ Sat Aug 15, 2009 5:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: do you allow for diversity?

thanks for the response, ash! makes a lot of sense. i love gandhi's quote.


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