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I have come to realize that I am very obsessed when it comes to getting my school work done and things like that. the compulsions to sit and sit and sit for many hours without moving is hard to resist. I don't take lunch breaks or snack breaks at school. I sit for 4 hours or more and do nothing but work. so with that said, I have done a complete course in one week! and got a B on my midterm! waiting to get my 'research' paper back on the medical code of ethics and to take my final exam tomorrow. my goal was to complete the medical transcription program in 4-6 months but i will finish sooner than that if i keep going at this rate.

i was trying to process it with my T today. I realized that I have always done this with homework and projects.......i just can't stop and put it down. I am driven but its more than that. its abnormal! its driving those around me nuts! I realized that the little 8 year old 3rd grader in me felt the only way to be recognized by people and be accepted and liked and admired was by getting good grades, being an over achiever. I am definitely an 'over the top' kind of person. others say that about me all the time. they like it on one hand but on the other hand view it as dysfunctional and a problem.

I'm not sure how to overcome this. I like learning and I have my own way of learning despite disabilities that i have. so sometimes i think that i over compensate in areas that i excel in. i just can't seem to find the middle ground and balance in my life. i think that the compulsions and stuff help me in the field that i want to work in because as part of my compulsions, is that i spell and type everything in my head. my husband says that they should just put a USB port on the side of my head and attach a printer LOL........

I know i can type about 6o words a minute with 95% accuracy which is what i need in my transcription courses so that's good. but i push myself so hard and if i knew someone else was going the same speed i was in class, i would step it up a notch so that i would stand out and be recognized for my own achievements. not that i need to be better than someone...no, that's not it. its that i need to feel special and that's the only way i know how to is to be over the top and the over achiever.

i'm not bragging here or anything like that. that's not me. i am just trying to be open and honest here.....

thanks for reading........

Roo

Hi Roo:

I have many of the traits that you have described, but mine wasn't really a positive attention thing. It was more from feelings of extreme anxiety that would often manifest as over-the-top drive.

H is home so better close this reply.

Candle

Hi Roo. I wanted to acknowledge your post. I am not an over-achiever really. I do get obsessive/compulsive though. When I was in high school and was given steno homework, I would try to get it all done at one time. Just to get it over with. I find that when I have certain things to do, like make calls from a list, I try to do it as quickly as possible, just to get it over with. But I don't do it because I'm an over-achiever. I wish I had some suggestions for you, but I don't. I take medication for my obsessive traits, so maybe I'm better than I otherwise would be. I hope others here have some tips for you!

Thanks Bordergirl! nice to hear from you again! I am on abilify and that has helped slow me down a lot but I don't know how to pace myself. it really is viewed as abnormal by those around me. i just do my thing and didn't worry about it til others mention it. now its obvious to people.

have a good day. I am off to work and then school........will check in later on!

Roo

Hi Roo.

I have some of the same traits you describe, especially when it comes to school work. I think mine is related to perfectionism. When I realized that not everything had to be 'just so' and done 'right', the over the top stuff kinda stopped for me. I'm not trying to say it's the same, I don't know, but have you ever thought about it? Like, making up for your percieved shortcommings by being 'perfect' in the areas that you naturally excel? Just a thought.

I hope you get to the bottom of it. And I am glad to hear your doing well in school so far!

who are "they" to tell you its abnormal? are they jealous?

if you can find the positive in this, such as becoming a more educated person, and you do the work right, then i dont see a problem.

if it bothers you, then i suggest delve into why their views bother you,. or why this trait in yourself bothers you.

all traits are good and bad. each has a balance in it that is positive.

well where it becomes a problem is when i work with other people. they find me too over the top and 'out of control'..........i just can't stop til i get the job done. so then it wrecks havoc on the relationships with people. I think that's why i am trying to get a job where i work at home alone.......i love people. that's not it. its just that others don't want to work with me.

when i used to work in a hospital, coworkers would get around and try to find ways to tweak me out. one day i came in to work and all the colored paper clips were mixed with the metal ones and linked together! i was so obsessed with my organization and that's all i could think about. they said they were trying to prove a point that I had OCD which I don't......I just do some weird things in a compulsive sort of way.

it makes me sad sometimes because my relationships with people aren't that strong because of this stuff. i am in complete happiness when my things are organized and color coded and stuf like that! and i tend to do too much. like my 'research' paper that was due? i did it the way i thought it was supposed to be done and come to find out I didn't get a grade yet because i did too much! so i had to go and fix it. not a big deal but still...........

wiht that said, I completed my confidentiality course in 1 week flat!!!! and got a B or B+!!!!! my voc rehab counselor couldn't believe it. now i am onto medical terminology and loving it! talk to you all soon!

Roo

excellent work! some work fast, some dont.

just the reminder, all traits can be good or bad or mixed.

when it becomes a problem, make sure whose problem it is. if its yours, figure out how to switch it to the positive trait.

((Roo)) you have the best personality! it comes thru in your type so well.

This sort of thing became a problem for me when I had to work in groups too. My boss would have to force me to leave at night. For me it was the perfectionism thing too. he (my boss) would have to tell me that "This project only needs to be 86% correct (knowing good and well I'd still make it 99%), but it would stop my obsessing. It was projects that were event oriented, so its not like I could quantify my results, it was just our way of reminding me that I didn't have to be perfect.

thanks Kari. I think part of it for me is perfectionism too. i just realized that.

last night i could not stop and put my medical terminology workbook down. thankfully i remember so much from when i took it before 10 years ago! but if i made a mistake, I had to go back and figure it out and move on. ihate having anything wrong on my workbook. it needs to be 100% and then i am happy. that's why i do it in pencil LOL. I'm up now at 5 am and would like to crack open the book again. but I am resisting. i am still tired. I have some personal things to do and think that I might skip class for today.........I have to leave early for a doctors appointment anyway, but I am off from work today and thought that I could get a lot of homework done here at home. but i won't be slacking on the reading and workbook stuff!

does anyone else obsess about planning far ahead like with a budget? I have our budgets completed through til January!!!! and we pretty much stick to them now. but i can't seem to help myself. I am trying to understand what is behind all this compulsiveness.............
perfection, wanting to be liked and admired, wanting to be proud of myself, wanting to control something (since i am not using my eating disorder to do that now), to push myself til i have no more to give (but that's a way of self harming isn't it? I am not cutting and OD'ing anymore so maybe that has something to do with it). stuf like that...........ok I am going to stop now. this is depressing me. I'd rather like to believe that I am just really on top of my game at school and at home..........

Roo

HI! I also share a similarity with wanting to be perfect and pushing myself. Mine of course doesn't end up as well as yours seems to. I want and feel a need to excel and to be perfect. But then halfway through I give up and condemn myself for not being perfect. Which is what I truly want after all.

I insist on being perfect at everything. School work, mothering, cleaning, my job, canning, sewing, raking the yard even. Every task in my life (with the exception of interpersonal relationships, humm) needs to be executed with perfection. This I suppose is where my human limitations come into play coupled with my need and want for sleep.

Deep down I think I just want to be envied. I crave recognition and praise. Childhood issues maybe?? I have a busy life, it is true, and I do like it when people say "oh wow, I don't know how you do it". I guess it makes me feel better than them. Which is a whole other ball of wax I suppose. Just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone.

Dragon

Thanks Dragon. that was helpful. I think I am pushing myself so hard that I am totally exhausted all the time! my best friend calls me and everytime I am asleep! but then she told my husband last night that she was envious of me for getting so much school work done and she's in college and procrastinates on everything til the last minute. that would drive me bananas! but it made me feel good that another perfectionist admired me!!!!!

I think mine has to do with childhood issues as well. I was always seen as the perfect child in every way. and i liked the attention it drew. i was a child that could play alone or with others and behaved. so sometimes when kids can be so independent, they get overlooked. i think that happened to me with peers. their parents noticed me for my neatness, my perfect handwriting, that no one had to tell me to do homework, my politeness, obeying every rule etc. so now i want my peers to not overlook me again.

thanks for posting!

Roo

Hi Roo:

What do you see as the downside of the perfectionism/compulsiveness that you describe (if there is one)?

When I was excelling in everything, bc partly of my perfectionism, I was secretly proud of it, plus society seems to applaud 'achievement' and even 'over-achievement'. Thus, until my 'crack-up', I had no 'real' motivation to change my being 'driven', etc..

the downfall to it is that i am completely obsessed and its wearing on me. I am completey exhausted all day long because of me pushing myself.

This plus continuous high stress led to my 'crack-up'.

I'm glad that you are recognizing it in time to take whatever steps are necessary so that you can avoid the same ramifications that I had.