BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Jody, honestly, I don't think it's fair to ask that of us. It's not my place to remember who has what attitude towards who, to remember what board members have issues with what other board members. To expect all the rest of us to be aware of your particular issues with particular board members is really not realistic, in my opinion. It's not something you're going to get.

I also think it wouldn't be helpful to you even if we could.

i see your point, but i really was asking the mods only.

im sure it wont happen anyways but i was asking for ...word?......like...say i was gonna talk to sarah. knowing we have history of certain things, i should make sure i am ready and coming from a good place before i would jump in to her threads. she mentioned it before in a CC, that she recognized we had a history.

never mind. i cant express it right. i think im saying something like sarah knows we did not settle our issues and yet she posted anyways to me. she has a total right to do it. however, she might consider how it wont be useful for me. as in how she warns me all the time if i use certain words, i should expect a war. i really have tried to tone down my use of adjectives, but i resent it at the same time. she may well resent not being able to post to me as in...who is she to tell me what to do or not do? exactly the same feeling i have back to others.

i am working on why this particular thing bothers me. i dont know...and i need to work it out. its all mine, i own that. i just dont know why certain speech patterns trigger me. i have narowed it down to that. speech patterns.

i wasnt meaning the whole board, ellen. i just didnt word it correctly. im sorry.

that is what i just posted about, Trinity.

something about certain speech patterns trigger me. i dont know why yet and thus cant change it yet. im working on it.

certain people i do not believe are there to help me. certain ones are. my problem there also. i need to learn to disregard the ones which trigger me. but i want to know why im triggered by it. and as yet, i dont.

i see this. im working on it.

But you can.
Or at least you can make a decision to not react to the trigger. A decision to recognize and change that thinking. A decision to question the feelings, acknowledge them and move forward anyways.
We don't HAVE to understand a trigger before we can begin working at disarming it. Actually, working to correct it can reveal where it came from.

All we have to know is that there IS a problem. We don't have to wait for the understanding before we work toward a solution.

If what you are wanting is for, say if you had difficulty with someone named Cindy, and it's something Cindy would have been aware of, if what you are wanting is for Cindy to keep that in mind before replying to you on something you posted, I think that's reasonable to ask. No guarantee of Cindy's cooperation. Or maybe it just won't ever be clear enough in Cindy's mind for her to be able comply. (As in, if she doesn't have an issue, she may not remember there's an issue.) Still, not an unreasonable request.

On the other hand, if you make that resquest and Cindy's unable to go along with it or chooses not to, you are still responsible for your own reaction to her.

yep, that i am, ellen. very true and i knew it so fast this time. i hope to get to the point of stopping myself all the time and i do a lot of the time..no one knows about those lol...cause well...i dont do it. !

i think, altho im sure its hard on others, its progress that i do realize what i do within a day or 2 of doing it. and i go back and work on it. i wish dearly i could not do it at all and fix things before i do them. some i do, some i still dont and i mess up.

minx, for me, i do need to know the whys. and i have figured them out. its how i do my "stuff". its all that works for me. other ways may work for you, and thats great.

for me, it is several things rolled into one.

i have a problem with authority people talking in what i hear as "preaching mode" to me. "jody, you are just this way and that way" type stuff. (filters, lovely things) i know its this because others on here (and in real) can tell me all day long things i do wrong and i am fine with it. but a select few i simply get a trigger. and those are what i am working on now to stop and learn. it isnt a person per se, (as in who they are) its the whole thing all together...authority with a certain speech pattern combined. i dont have counseling till next week, and its on my agenda.

the second thing is sarah and i had a considerable "discussion" as was in CC and pm. because it was never settled between us, that is where i got the idea ellen posted about. i didnt explain it well enough for it to make sense. i think when 2 people on here have issues left hanging, it could be considered that one or the other isnt able to listen to the other very well. i have tried to avoid posting to her for this reason. as we call "let the dust settle".

i went back and read sarahs post without my filter, pretending i didnt know who it was from. most of it was helpful and made sense. but 2 sentences still got me..the way they are worded.

so its a combination of history, speech tendencies, authority and not having "laid to rest" a issue. add em up, and i fucked up with it.

now having figured it all out...and i came back and owned all this and stopped and worked and such..i think i have it figured out.

speaking just for me, if i had a issue with someone here (lol..nah, never, not me lol) and it remained unresolved, i would be cautious posting to them. i realize this is me, and i have no control over anyone BUT me. so i cant expect others to think the same way. and how i respond or dont respond is my choice. i meant it as a suggestion, and didnt verbalize it well.

i just hate when this shit sneaks up on me ....but i can see im getting better and faster at working on myself.

minx, i dont know if you have CPTSD or not. i only know sometimes i react before i even know it. and im working hard on changing that but it still creeps up on me sometimes. the process is becoming very automatic to me now...how am i feeling? why? what was truly said? what should i do in response? its just not fast enough yet.

i wasnt NOT working on a solution. i have been working hard on it in my mind ever since. this is the result.

ellen, you say things so clearly...how i wish i had that talent. thanks.

Joan Baez was on NPR earlier this week, and she was speaking about her childhood and disorders. She said that she avoided working through certain problems with her past and childhood. She then said that when whe started working through her issues, rather than around them, something in her life got better. She dealt with her father issues, and she found she was no longer afraid of turbulance during a flight.

That type of thing.

I thought that was an interesting view.

that is interesting...how interconnected it all can be. thanks for sharing that, spoon.

it gets old sometimes tho, for me, finding so much to work on and how it comes out of the blue. but...i keep slogging on.