BPDRecovery.com: Forums

The responses have been interesting; thank you!

Jody, you really made my day with your kind words to me! I know it's hard for you not to feel responsible for others who have left or stopped posting, but to me, that's ridiculous. If someone doesn't want to be involved in your posts, it's up to that person to post elsewhere. It doesn't seem logical to me that it would be a reason to quit the board, but we are all different, and if someone is not comfortable on the board, then it's not a place for them to be.

Maven: Since the board is not so active now, maybe you posted in threads which were older or started by someone who came on the board once or twice and then left. Don't give up! Sometimes people don't come back to the threads they started, but usually they do. Or, start your own thread. It takes time to feel comfortable posting. There's no guarantee that people will respond, a fact that I've had to accept after some bad disappointments, but in general, you get back what you invest in the board.

Sarah: That's amazing that you spend half an hour to an hour writing a post. If I had to do that, I'd probably not post so much either. Although I am a perfectionist in many areas, I write quickly and I don't usually proof-read, which is why my posts and threads come out like stream-of-consciousness, which they are! I'm basically inhibited so by being the opposite on the board, I am satisfying a need to be spontaneous and free.

I have a need for the board, maybe as a replacement for regular therapy, and I fit it in my life even though I'm busy. We are all different and have different needs. I also feel that sometimes it's an escape from real life, but I also know that's an important part of my real life.

However, I do recognize that your posts are always well-thought out and worth waiting for! I'm glad you're busy in your real life now, but I miss you, Sarah.

Queen: I think I answered you in my other thread. Like BG said, you get to know people by posting a lot. It takes time, but it's worth it.

Terrabus: Thanks for posting. You're right that there aren't many men posting, but there have always been a few. Men are always welcome here, though!

paintedlady: I know you're around; you pop up here and there. Nice to see you in my thread!

It must be that the 100's of others who are registered just come and go, right?

hey wondering...

"""Jody, you really made my day with your kind words to me! I know it's hard for you not to feel responsible for others who have left or stopped posting, but to me, that's ridiculous. If someone doesn't want to be involved in your posts, it's up to that person to post elsewhere. It doesn't seem logical to me that it would be a reason to quit the board, but we are all different, and if someone is not comfortable on the board, then it's not a place for them to be."""

im glad it helped you to hear my words about you. it is just the truth, you are one of the kindest people i have ever spoken to. and fun..to boot. a rare, special thing. your kindness is needed in the world.

the feeling responsible is one i fight all the time. i feel as you do, that others choices are their choices. (i feel its ridiculous) but to hear it so often told to me..i end up questioning if im right or imagining things. other people sound so plausible and so certain its all me. (my H told me more than once he would have money if it wasnt for me and the kids) to get opposite things like that cause me to question the stuff i have learned. to hear negative things so often will overwhelm what im trying to learn and will set me back as my new things im learning are pretty new and not "part of me" yet. just not learned strong enough to stand against a barrage of negatives. i can not lose what my counseling is teaching me, it was too hard fought to get to begin with.

i have tried to explain this to others, but it seems , well, it hasnt done any good. negative words will hinder recovery, badly, for most people. im not sure why i cant get that across, but i just cant seem to do it. there is a diff in calling someone on a behavior and just beating the shit outta them verbally. i havent been able to make that apparent yet, tho. it saddens me a place so grounded in recovery and mental issues cant see it. it is puzzling to me. i never expected it.

one thing i have learned in counseling i took to heart, is try to say positive things. to anyone who will listen. how damaging a negative word is to humans. sometimes i just get to my point, i cant take it any more. unfortunately, people dont listen until i get to my point and then its too late. sighs* its like...no one sees what leads up to it and just waits till i have enough and then get onto me. it feels like a child, and that also is not good for me. or anyone. it hurts. sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. i will never understand it. maybe im not meant to right now.

i just cant keep myself so enmeshed in a place that is not helping, yet i need the support from you and the few others here who seem to get what i mean most of the time. but im afraid i will or have become addicted to the negative words used at me, (i would say abuse) and i cant become addicted to abuse again. its very easy to do.

so yes, as you can see, i am posting to few and far inbetween with that. i just have to for me. listening to it all the time is really beginning to set me back in my recovery. i cant allow that.

it tis how it tis...eh? thanks for being there, wondering. you are special. dont forget that. if you dont want this to be posted and think im hijacking your thread, please ask a mod to move it ok? i was answering ya but its a bit off the subject because its too much about me and personal also. i dont usually let this much out..but for you, i will.

Hi Wondering

What a great post, it's really helped people who haven't posted post. I didn't see your post as being at all needy, but as being truly interested in understanding why when there are so many members there are so few who post.

And in the two days that I've been on I've found this forum so helpful already! I'd love to encourage newbies to post. I felt a bit self-conscious and unsure if what I was writing was appropriate to the thread or the tools but I found people's responses so warm and welcoming and so helpful.

It's such a gift to be able to recognise myself in other people's posts (and not feel alone with this stuff) and to be actively engaged in practicing healthy ways of communicating and problem solving. So I'd love to encourage newbies to post.

I haven't had the impression that the board as a whole as been underactive. But the occasionally times when I'm reading off line and click into this forum ("On the Border"), I've been surprised at the lack of posts. I have to log in to catch up on my reading of BPDR, cause there's not as many posts in the publically readable parts.

When logged in, I usually use "View Active Topics", but even if I do go directly into forums, I can see which ones have posts and go into them, plus all the forums are accessible -- different from viewpoint the messageboard logged out.

Maybe it's less active than it's been at times here (the whole message board), but I don't think that's a bad thing. It's busy enough, seems to me.

Many moons ago, when this forum was in a different place, there were a few men on here. Now, not so many that I've seen. To be honest, I don't really care. Truth is truth. Behavior is behavior. If I do something that is not healthy, does it matter if a woman understands and no men do? Not to me.