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I am sitting at my desk, reading e-mails and stuff. I have things to do in the house, but I can't seem to get up and do them. I feel paralyzed. The thought of getting up and doing what I need to do is paralyzing me. It's not that I dont' want to do what I need to do - it's more like I'm so anxious for some reason that I can't do it. I know I eventually will - I'm just scared. I don't know why this happens.

One of the things I need to do is finish reading the chapters my T assigned me in the Anxiety Workbook - that's pretty funny when you think about it. Me being anxious about getting up and having to read an "anxiety" workbook. I also have to iron.

I can't figure out why I'm so ambivalent about getting up and moving. Maybe I'm overwhelmed? I feel stuck to my chair.

I really do want to read the workbook, so it's not like I dont' want to and that's why I'm stuck. I think it's more of I just don't want to get started doing anything.

I guess I will have to put one foot in front of the other and move. Don't know why this is so scary. Any thoughts?

Did you get snow by you? Even if you're inside, could the weather be affecting you already? Do you have any idea at all as to why you're feeling scared right now? Did you wake up feeling that way? Did you eat breakfast without feeling scared? What were you doing when the feeling first came over you? Maybe if you can pinpoint exactly what you were doing or thinking right before you felt that way, it will be a clue.

You're doing email and posting, so you aren't paralyzed. Is it something about the anxiety book that scares you? I don't think it's the ironing, LOL.

I find that just doing it, whatever it is, helps me when I feel stuck.

We're the only ones on the board! I think it's scary that everyone left and didn't come back yet. By the way, I'm scared. I called the doctor but he didn't call back yet!

sorry to butt in but that is how i feel today.

to put a word to the feeling, overwhelmed. i simply dont feel like i can move, altho i am, im typing.

i dont want to move, its scary. im shaking, honestly, i am.

lovely monday.

i have been trying to delve into it, to see why. hell, i can barely breathe when i try. i just want to sit.

but i have no idea why. time to email the T.

Wow! I hope both of you feel better soon!! Hugs to BG and Jody!

stupid shit. i have no idea why im doing this, and delving makes it worse.

thanks ((wondering)) hugs back to you!

The one time I felt paralyzed it was because I was afraid that whatever action I choose, whichever path I took, I would invariably make my life worse than it already was and I felt like I was out of options, backed into a corner, nowhere to go.

That doesn't seem to be relevant to your situation. As Wondering points out, you're doing things - just not the things on your list.

Once I figured out that some sort of movement in any direction would be better than just sitting there stuck, accepting terror, feeling victimized, I felt somewhat better. It took me a good week or so to shake it entirely and even then I still had creeping doubts & concerns. Taking action despite the fear helped me feel more in control. I might be going to hell faster by my decision and action but at least it was of my own doing and not just a hand being dealt to me.

Dunno if any of this helps or not ... it's all I've really got at the moment though. (Kind of spacy & not feeling well.)

well shit, Ash. you hit it. on the head.

exactly. i am scared. it is from my PTSD but that is exactly why i feel so safe not moving.

by George!!!!! thanks for that sentence. perfect.

i got up and cleaned 2 rooms and i feel better. sitting down up comes the panic shit again.

very cool insight.

sorry BG, but this may help you also. i dont mean to hijack.

Ashs sentence , i sent it on to my T with my paraphrasing and went on with the thought and it helped make it so clear. strange, but very clear and on the mark.

it isnt helping the feeling go away, but its clearer. sitting i am scared shitless, BUT i dont want to move. i know im safe sitting here. its negative, and not helpful at all tho.

i got up , cleaned a bit and it went away.

how convoluted, to move helps yet it is so hard to do! my whole being is crying out with DONT MOVE. but i must...

strange shit. but Ashs line, crystallized it. you never know where a word comes in helpful.

try it BG. see if this relates to you at all. it may not.......

Thanks Ash, Jody and Wondering (all in alphabetical order)! I woke up this way - nothing that I can think of "caused" it. I really am not panicking because I have to iron (lol). It's just a thorough bodily-sensation. Since this morning I have had a headache and am dizzy.

I wasn't feeling nervous about reading the Anxiety Book at all. In fact, I just finished the parts I was told to read. I did learn that I need to just sit with the anxiety and not try to "do" anything about it. Just notice it and observe it.

Maybe today is just one of those days Jody. Maybe it's the moon or something! I can totally relate to how you feel. Not wanting to move or get up out of your chair.

I went into the living room and am watching TV. Today is Woody Allen's 73rd birthday so they are showing different Woody Allen films on TV. His movies are my favorite, so this is a big treat for me. I'm watching "Radio Days" and later "Annie Hall" and "Hannah and Her Sisters" will be on. I love them all!!!!

I just have to move past the paralyzing fear. What else can I do? Just deal with it.

Yes Ash, I don't want to feel like a victim. I hate feeling that way. I realize that taking baby steps is better than doing nothing. Iron my clothes, prepare supper, put the laundry in the dryer. Put one step in front of the other.

I usually find that it doesn't help to try to pinpoint why I feel this way. Most of the time there is no reason - it's just a physical sensation. It's not like I'm worried about anything - I'm not. It's purely physical.

Shit, this is hard. My head feels foggy, like I'm in a daze. Thanks for being here for me. I'm so grateful!!!!

You know what really bothers me? That I never know how I'll be feeling each day when I wake up. Sometimes I'm in a really good mood, and other days I'm depressed. I never know. It is crazy! I wish I could be in the middle.

That's often how I felt when I was depressed, just throwing that idea out there.

I get that. I felt at the mercy of my moods. Eventually I learned how, after I was sure of how I felt after I woke up, to:

- Take an inventory of how I was feeling
- Decide realistically what I was going to be able to do that day (i.e., decide what was my personal best going to be) given how I felt
- Give that best - commit to it - and let the rest go (and don't let anybody else make me feel guilty about it)

I kept working on me inside, and I also learned it was important to work on my physical symptoms. For example, I felt a lot of exhaustion, rather than fear. I just didn't have the energy to do things. So I worked on what might be contributing to the exhaustion as best I could. There was no quick fix, but over time things did get better.

jim

And perhaps this is a good time for you to "let it go." Spend some time today meditating on the concept of letting the moods come and go. Whatever happens tomorrow, that's what happens tomorrow. There's nothing to control. It is what it is. Nothing to control which means nothing to get worked up over.

In the old days, I would have a crappy start to a day -- someone cut me off on the road, tailgated, I tore my nylons, the dog barfed, whatever -- and I would get into a headspace where "Oh great, this is what today's going to be like? This sucks!" and sure enough, the day would suck. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Once I was able to shift to "Well that sucked - at least it's over now" I would actually go on to have MUCH better days. I didn't let that one thing define my entire day.

So my suggestion is, when the day starts with a cruddy mood, tell yourself "This is kind of a cruddy mood, hopefully it will pass soon" and then put it out of your mind as best you can. Go on about the things you have to do that day and soon enough, the mood will move along and get replaced by another (hopefully better) mood.

I liken it to a cup. We are the cup and the mood is the stuff that goes in the cup. When the cup gets filled with something bitter & nasty, as long as we keep that nasty stuff in there, we don't have room for anything sweet or good to fill the cup. We need to allow that cup to empty on its own (like a slow-moving drain or a quick overflow causes the thing to tip over & everything spills out) so that we can allow new things to come into the cup.

It sounds like you wake up, check the mood, use it as a barometer and build your entire day around that mood - holding onto the ickies all day long, allowing it to shadow everything you do, see and experience - instead of saying "oh well, hopefully it'll get better soon enough" and moving on, allowing it to drain on its own, taking control over your day, being the captain of your own destiny.

(Yeah, sorry for the rah-rah sounding stuff. I'm in a mood of my own! LOL)

No Ash - don't apologize - you are right. I sometimes wake up feeling depressed or anxious and I let it consume me. I have to start letting it go. It's such a PHYSICAL thing for me - it's so hard to do. But I know I have to do it.

I am doing better now. I got an e-mail from a friend who said she and her H would come to our party on Saturday night. So that cheered me up. I just finished my ironing and am going to go upstairs to exercise.

Jim - thank you for what you said too. I like the idea of taking the inventory of my feelings. And then commit to what I can do that day. Actually, so far I have done everything today that I said I would. I finished reading the chapters in the Anxiety Workbook that I needed to; I made notes on it that my T told me to; I did my ironing; and now I'll go up and exercise. Those were my goals for today and I have accomplished them. Plus I made a few phone calls that needed to be made. So I do feel good about doing what I set out to do.

I'm hoping that the next group of chapters I read in the Workbook will help me with the anxiety. The first five chapters more or less just described anxiety and what it is, how it affects us, etc. Not too much yet about dealing with it. I hope it'll be in the next few chapters I read.

Thank you!!!!

Maybe a good mantra would be "Physical does not define mental."

Oh wait, they say that in order for your subconscious to accept messages, everything must be stated positively. So instead of using "does not" maybe try "Physical only defines physical. Mental defines mental."

For me personally today, I feel physically like dog doo-doo but it hasn't severely impacted my day. I still went to work. I still accomplished some work, some personal stuff (eBay), some school stuff, some personal development stuff. Just cuz I feel like I'm on death's doorstep doesn't mean I have to act like I am.

I agree with you Ash. I just finished exercising and feel better. I also realized something. I am not a "morning person." I usually wake up groggy and anxious. I dont' feel physically sick but rather just out-of-sorts. So if I dont' have to go out and be somewhere, I usually sit at my computer and check e-mails, the board, etc. By the time I'd through, I feel better and can get moving easier. At least by acknowledging it, it makes it easier to accept.

And you can plan your day accordingly, move things that take more energy to the afternoon, like your exercising, read in the mornings. You're doing that already, but did you KNOW you were doing it.

No Kari - I did not realize it. I was doing the right thing without even knowing it! Thanks for pointing it out. I can barely talk on the phone early in the morning. I feel like a wreck when I wake up. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed. I hate it! Well, at least I have a plan now. Thanks!!!!