BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I'm sorry for my post to you. I won't try to help you again with this issue. I hope you find some solutions.

How do you call defending BG helping me?

When was the last time I directed any of this at her?

I thought I was helping when I tried to point out your use of the word "trap." I thought maybe if you didn't think of it as people trying to "trap" you, you would look at situations where this happens, differently. You said it happens in RL too.

I did not think I was defending anyone. I was just trying to point out that I thought Ellen had a valid point that someone could post and ask a question without wanting a dialogue.

I was trying to help, but you did not find it helpful. I can accept that. I'm only human. I make mistakes.

Well, I said that without judgement as to which way is right. I could give my opinion, but my view on that really doesn't matter. I was defending no one, nor was a defending any viewpoint.

It's a problem just because of two people having different views, and those views clashing. Even if the other person is clearly wrong, still, your own expectations are your own issue to deal with.

And there is a difference between having your own beliefs about what interacting with others should involve, and going into interactions assuming others share those beliefs.

P.S. You replied jointly to me and Wondering. But her words aren't mine. When I said "the other person" it was not a reference to any particular person. Just a generic label for whoever it is on the other end of these sort of actions which you say you have a problem with.

I'll talk about the general issue, but I feel quite strongly about NOT bringing other specific individuals into it, and did not and will not do so.

Ellen -

What I was directing at both you and Wondering is that I think I am at a similiar impasse regarding someone wanting information from me as I am about engaging me. I do have a standard, as unique as that may be to others, that I really am not ready to give up. Therefore, I felt an awful lot of time could be spent making cases for our viewpoints, when in fact the issue for me is learning how to handle myself while holding these (unique) views.

I have not seen you take sides. I seldom have. You usually come into a post offering a perspective that few others really key in on. You are also most often to the point which is fine. On occassion that requires I do some sorting of how that sits with me.

I really do not want to bring individuals into this. .it is the situation(s)- as there are a couple of 'styles' that bring out the feelings of invalidation.

My point in going into the whole engaging issue was to work on what I am dealing with.. the fact that I as is defined, do see it as a mutual thing and it is this aspect that brings out the strong reactions- when I feel there is really nothing mutual about the interaction. (whether one is trying to acquire info or whether one is (seemingly wanting to) engage me...

There is a lot there that I must get clear on, in order that I can better handle the situations. But just having to sort thru this has been helpful. It is similiar to what occured for me a few months ago-I was very upset, and again, when I looked at it, it also related to invalidation. As I sorted thru that experience, I realized that I felt I had 'given' something and there was no acknowledgement (invalidation again?) only a large and continued focus on them. Seeing this was the first time I really 'got' that I am unaware of when I feel drained and worn; of when I need to step away and regain my own sense of balance. It has to do with boundaries in a sense- being clear on mine and then learning how to take care of myself at such times.