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Have been reading up on some of the other boards & noticed a couple of posts about sexual aversion and/or fear of having sexual thoughts. Wondered if this is a commonality among individuals with BPD? I don't know the topic has ever come up in any of my BPD-related groups. I'm currently working through an adapted version of sex therapy with my therapist and my religious leader (who is fully supportive of the process, much to my T's surprise). I still shy away from most forms of intimate contact (we're talking intimate as in holding hands) with males, though the fact that I am on occasion able to let certain male figures touch me without concern is huge progress. I've also moved from being 100% certain sex is about control, to acknowledging for some people sex can be about intimacy (my religious leader pointed out he & his wife would not have had eight children if they didn't enjoy sex). "Appropriate" discussion about sex didn't happen in my home, and when I finally pointed this out to my mom a couple months ago her response was "Now you know why you were adopted". I think she was trying to be funny, but my T thought that response was quite telling in terms of how she feels about talking about sexual issues with me. I wondered, if others have experienced similar aversions, how you overcame them, or learned to cope with them? I am at the point where I want to deal with it now, while my therapist is more of the mindset that we should work on developing a relationship where I actually have a guy I want to hold hands with before we start worrying about whether or not I can have sex.

I tried to search for sexual aversion as it relates to BPD on the Internet. I could not locate a link. I would imagine that sexual aversion, like other symptoms, varies among people with BPD. I have not seen it as one of the symptoms of BPD. I don't know if there is a commonality. I, for one, do not suffer from sexual aversion. Not everyone with BPD has the same symptoms. I don't think we can generalize.

It seems your T wants to start slowly and work up to you actually enjoying a sexual encounter. Perhaps you should discuss with her why she chooses to begin this way. Share with her your needs and let her know how you feel.

I think it's common -- though far from universal -- to have issues with sex, but not just adversion. Some people it's more the opposite. But in both cases, there's, it seems to me, the ideal of moving towards being able to see, and being able to have if one chooses, sex as an act of love.

I'm conflicted towards sex and sex issues.

I don't blame BPD for this. Instead, I have come to realize that my fear of being hurt emotionally is the root cause. Also, there is an issue of shame that comes with sex and loss of my own self-control.

I have spent most of my life feeling like an engine revved up to the redline while in neutral. Almost like a hungry ghost.

Now I'm 37 years old and my physical abilities are diminishing greatly. The result is an ugly feeling of loss and I look back at my life and feel how so much of it was wasted. I could have been satiated but instead, I was miserable.

Last night, I had a dream about being ready for sex in splendid form only to have women refuse me.

If Las Vegas was betting on the details of my life, the odds of me dying alone would be very high. The nice part about life is that it is not written in stone and can be changed. Time will tell if I can get out of this tail-spin.

I know my issue with sex has to do with not understanding the difference between "fucking" and "making love" even though my father stated that having sex with someone was motivated by "love" for that person. I didn't understand it at eight and I still don't understand it 30 years later so I suppose I am mentally retarded in this area. I have a hard time thinking of sex as being a loving gesture when it is so repulsive so I view it more like a bodily function than anything. Since the body and mind have separate realities at times, I choose not to be a part of sex when it is happening. I don't think this is the result of BPD but rather from being used sexually prior to having any sort of sexual feelings. It is hard to enjoy something I never learned to enjoy so I just detach from it and let it happen without being present. I don't have to think about it if I choose not to have such thoughts.

luckily, i have no issues regarding sex.

but terrabus, if something is diminishing at 37, you should see a dr. men can and do and will have sex till they are 100, at least. i have known men ...well anyways...age just makes them better! no more 10 times each time for 5 mins...stuff like a teenager.

but you should have no issue with physical stuff at all. maybe 5 times a night is out by age of 50, but whats left in its place is much better.

in my view* lol...

Yes, I agree with Jody. I suggest having a physical exam and talking to your doctor. There are things you can do to remedy this.

Not to discount your advice, but then what do I do? I don't have anybody to share such a wonderful thing with, you know? But that would make for an interesting pick-up line at a bar. "Hey baby, wanna help me see if this little blue pill works?"

the "little blue pill" will work only if certain conditions are met and its from certain medical causes.

what you would do with your....ummm..prowess or not is up to you. it certainly isnt our business what you do with it once you can do it.

why even care how it gets up if you did need a pill? so what? the issue is the end result, not how it got there anyways.

we are just saying, men do not lose much virility with age, esp as young as you are. there will be a reason behind it, mental or physical , if you are having this problem, i should add "odds are" in that or someone will tell me im not a urologist...

since i have a son your age, i can speak a bit about older men and what they are capable of or not.

I think part of it is depression and weight. We'll see once I actually start wanting to date again.