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I was diagnosed as BPD about 9 years ago. I mainly felt that it was a correct diagnoses because I have a fear of abandonment and because I didn't know any better. When I first started dating my current SO (just over two years ago) he made a comment about "walking on eggshells" and when I questioned him about it he told me that his ex was a borderline. First I laughed hysterically and then I told him that I was a borderline. His response was "No your not, I know what borderlines are like and you are not one." A few months ago I started doing a bit more research on BPD and began to lean towards feeling that I am not a borderline, I used to call myself a borderline borderline, hence my screen name. A girl I work with has serious issues and was diagnosed as borderline and I know that I am nothing like her. I recently had to see a clinical psychologist for testing due to my five year custody battle with my ex (who is using the borderline thing as his main weapon) After several sessions with the psych I mentioned to her that I no longer believe that I have BPD and she told me "You are not a borderline." I feel like I have spent the last nine years of my life fighting a monster that does not exist. It is a relief and I feel like I have so much more power to fight my ex now. I don't know why I am posting here, I guess because I felt that I might get some positive affirmation.

I know when I was told I had BPD, I had never even heard of it, but when I researched a little, I felt like there were parts that fit me very well and parts that didn't. I had functioned -- at least as far as the outside world had been concerned -- very well, until I was flattened by a major episode of depression and ended up in the hospital, which was where I was told I also had BPD. I'm an "acting-in" type, and so I don't behave in the stereotypically bad BPD ways. When I told an old friend of mine, who has a PhD in psychology and at the time still had a clinical practice, and who I'd spent a weekend with relatively recently, that I'd been diagnosed with BPD, she said she was really surprised, because she'd never seen any kind of "BPDness" from me. Yet I still met enough of the criteria that the diagnosis fit me.

I agree with Calista. Maybe you just had traits, or fit on the low end of the spectrum. Maybe you really *were* misdiagnosed to begin with. At any rate, don't feel like you have some kind of tattoo on your forehead that will forever and permanently mark you as BPD.

I'm glad you're feeling better about yourself. And good luck with the custody battle -- I hope things work out for you there. Keep working on whatever issues you do have issues with, regardless of the overall label, and hopefully you'll have a happy, healthy future ahead of you.

And don't worry about posting here -- you're still welcome even if your diagnosis "goes away."

I think your story is fantastic!

Even if you did meet the criterion for BPD at some time, you don't now which will help you in your custody case! How wonderful for you, that must be a huge weight off your back! That fear of abandonment is in all of us, really, I mean all humans. Remember it's that possibly abnormal degree of 'normal' traits expressed on a regular basis that lands a person with the diagnosis. I don't think it's important now if you 'had it' or didn't...in the Now, you don't--hurray!

My story is similar to Sari's.....I'm also a 'high-functioning, in-acting"... I never really got in trouble or 'acted' out in public (although I did with my family). It wasn't until I was hospitalized for an attempt that I was diagnosed. By that time, I felt my 'plan' hadn't worked, so I decided to get a new 'plan'--to develop better coping mechanisms. So, directly after being diagnosed, I began to get better. Most of my friends, in fact all of them, would be shocked to learn I ever had the diagnosis. There has been such change in me, my family is doubting it too.

I think this is a good step for you. You are with a person that already has experience with BPD, so if it does ever raise it's head, he'll know how to respond. You are in a custody battle where your mental health is being used against you....now your ex can't do that so easily. To me, I try to allow the past to be the past and only really celebrate the NOW.....and it sounds as if your Now is looking up!

This more or less repeats what's been said already, but my two thoughts were...

There's a lot of variation in BPD. True (for other diagnostic labels too). Someone who thinks they know what BPD looks like may only know what one version looks like.

And, two, maybe you've gotten better. As in, used to have it, but don't.

I wonder if it's possible to get on an official un-diagnosis.

I also think I am a "borderline borderline". My t also agrees I have traits, but not every trait of the diagnosis. I am glad you are better and this will help you with your custody battle.

What has helped me the most to accept that the diagnosis of BPD fits someone like myself who never gets angry and has no 'chaotic relationships' etc., is to find information that focuses less on superficial behavioural aspects of the disorder and more on internal aspects relating to psychological organization, attachment difficulties, and lack of an integrated self. Most of the literature on these aspects is from a psychodynamic perspective. Masterson is the master of this

Thak you for all of the responses. I am doing well and coping as well as I can being separated from my son for so long. Whatever the reason the psych saying I am not BPD should help the custody case.