BPDRecovery.com: Forums

HI all. I have been gone for quite a while but I need some help and real quick!

My therapist and i Have been having problems for like a year. its just getting worse. instead of bailing out and finding another therapist, I want to work things out with this therapist. I totally look up to him and want this to work. without going into details of everything i do wrong in the relationship, I just want to know what i can do to fix it. he is ready to discharge me. he has had it with me.

I have reached out to my faith and used prayer to try to get peace. I have peace but now I need to know what steps to take to restore the relationship with my therapist. I have emailed my T and told him that I have prayed about this etc. I know he will appreciate me doing this. I rarely talk about faith and stuff with him but I know it is ok to talk about now.

i am not cutting and OD'ing and stuff like that. I am going to be having gastric bypass surgery this summer and I need to be emotionally healthy to do this major surgery. i need to be able to work with my T on issues so that i don't self harm with food etc post surgery. that could kill me literally.

I would just like to know from people what i could do. I honestly want this therapy relationship to work. I want it more than i ever thought I would. My T and i have not done therapy in a very long time because of the therapy interfering behaviors etc. that he says i do (which aren't important for me to get into right now as long as i acknowledge what i Have done). On Friday we are supposed to work on DBT and I asked him to work on interpersonal effectiveness specifically.

I am also trying to get a job. I got a call today and have an interview tomorrow morning! this could be the best thing for me! I didn't think so at first but i had to do some soul searching.

I appreciate any help you all can offer. I am sorry for not being part of this board for a long time. maybe a few of you will remember me?

Roo

Hi Roo! I remember you... I also took a long absence from the board and just came back. It's good to hear from you again!

I'm sorry you are having problems with your T. I definitely understand feeling like you have a good connection with your T and wanting to keep that connection going.

I have heard of therapists getting fed up with borderlines/not wanting to work with borderlines. I think it is "their stuff" - their own issues. I hope that you can find a way to still work with your T. Have you taken time to reflect on what could have happened to make him feel like he wants to discharge you? How can you change that or prevent it from happening again? Can you use the 5 steps? HALT and let your emotions subside before acting out on these "therapy interfering behaviors?" I am trying to use HALT a lot right now. I am broken up with my BF and keep feeling the need to reconnect with him, reach out to him, but he is also "fed up" with me. Lately I feel like he is trying to avoid me and I get SO FRUSTRATED and I want to pick up the phone and yell "what kind of a-hole are you?" But I don't. That will only make things worse. I HALT, let my emotions subside, maybe write stuff down. I guess I am telling you this because if you are "acting out" and that is causing your T to push away, maybe you can use my techniques to stop the acting out. Good luck!
NAM

Hi NAM!!!! I didn't realize what i was doing I guess. then when he brought it to me he was already pissed off because he let it build and build. I need to HALT but I honestly hadn't thought about it. Its like all my DBT skills went out the window. I should stop and review them today.

I have just written my T a short letter and faxed it to him. I hope he is not upset with that. I just needed to get this stuff out. I asked him for his forgiveness and asked if he is willing to start all over with me and help me to learn to be successful socially. i am nervous because I think I might have a job and I don't want to ruin relationships anymore.

I don't see my T til Friday afternoon but I will certainly keep you all posted :O) I hope it all works out well. In the meantime, I am meeting with the T for the bariatric program where i live. She will help me with specific DBT stuff around food and the gastric bypass surgery. she also has met my T and she wants to help me 100% with this relationship. She has a client in her private practice who is just like me so she understands both sides of this (especially from a T perspective with bpd patients).

Roo