Posting this separate from Ash's thread. Over the last year I've graduated from college & have been running my own business (a home based preschool/child care). I've reached a point where that's no longer financially viable, and am "back to the drawing board" so to speak as far as where I am going in life. I wandered back to the boards since I find myself falling into the trap of being unwilling to openly explore where I am and make any long term goals, and using "self destruct" strategies as an avoidance mechanism. The last few months of therapy has seemed like more "check in" visits than processing work, but in my last session my T pinpointed the fact that I haven't been able to tell her, or anyone else, what I actually want--only what I don't want. I was in a hypomanic state (probably meds induced, again) & had told her I was planning on getting my hair cut that day, she challenged me to walk in & tell the hairdresser exactly what style I wanted. We even talked about it in advance, with me telling her what I didn't want and narrowing the possibilities down. I walked into the hairdresser, and ended up telling her again what I didn't want and making her guess as to what I did want. It worked out, and I like the style, but still feel like I "failed" a simple assignment. So I've spent all day in bed moping & reverting to "less helpful coping mechanisms".
My father has just declared he is jealous of my posting on the board, and not talking to him...perhaps yet another indicator of a problem in relationships right now...
Heather
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